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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184445">If Love Should Conquer All...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Wolfe99/pseuds/Shadow_Wolfe99'>Shadow_Wolfe99</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Lily Evans Potter Lives, M/M, Remus Lupin Raises Harry Potter, Sirius Black Raises Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:21:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Wolfe99/pseuds/Shadow_Wolfe99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a favour to Severus, Voldemort stuns Lily rather than killing her. </p>
<p>Lily, now a single parent, utilizes Sirius Black to act as a father figure for Harry. However, when Severus tries to reconnect with his crush, Lily rejects him once and for all.</p>
<p>When Harry begins at Hogwarts, he suffers the consequences leaving a very angry witch, godfather and werewolf.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Harry Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Harry Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>183</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 1</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>October 31st 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>James screamed at her to take Harry and run. How had Voldemort found them?  How could Peter have betrayed them? Lily cradled a crying Harry to her chest and bolted into his nursery. She locked the door and tried to work out what to do. She had no wand. No other means of protection. Voldemort was coming to kill her baby. He was coming for blood. Lily settled Harry in his cot.</p>
<p>"Mama loves you," she whispered. "Dada loves you. You are so loved, darling. You will always be loved. Be brave. Be kind." </p>
<p>The door blasted inwards, sending shards of wood around the room. Lily turned to face the Dark Lord. He was more terrifying in person than anyone had ever described. His eyes glowed with the blood he'd spilt and his nose was nothing more than slits. She braced herself and stepped forward, blocking his path to her son. She would have to die before he got taken away.</p>
<p>"I beg of you," Lily said. "Spare him. He's a baby. He can't do anything to you."</p>
<p>Voldemort laughed. "Step aside. You mean something to my most loyal follower. So step aside and you may live."</p>
<p>"You plan to murder my SON! You will have to kill me before you touch him."</p>
<p>Voldemort stared at her for several seconds before aiming his wand. She expected to see a green light, but a red one came at her instead. A stunning spell. Her body flew across the room and crashed into the wall. Her head throbbed from the impact and her vision was blurry. Voldemort aimed wand once again, at Harry this time, and began to speak the unforgivable. Before the word was even out, a green light escaped his wand and flew towards Harry. Lily screamed, her eyes closing without her control. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She opened her eyes and saw an empty room. Tears swam across her vision. Her son had been murdered. Her husband had been killed. She tried to move but couldn't get her body to obey. At least, not until she heard the wailing of a toddler. She turned her head. Harry was sat in his cot, screaming blue murder, with a new scar on his forehead. Lily tried once more to stand but couldn't move her legs. Panic filled her. How could she get to her son if she couldn't walk? With maternal determination, she fell forwards and dragged herself towards the cot. Her legs began to burn with waves of agony but she had to ignore them. Harry needed her. Once beside his cot, she propped herself up on against it and reached through to comfort him.</p>
<p>"Hi, love. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Someone will come soon. I promise. Hush now."</p>
<p>Harry laid down on her arm and clung to her top. After a while, he fell asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Downstairs, she heard someone kick the door in. She flinched. Had the deatheaters come to finish the job? What had happened to Voldemort? Then she heard a familiar outcry.</p>
<p>"Sirius!" Lily yelled. "Sirius, come here!"</p>
<p>Footsteps ran up the and in came Harry's godfather with his wand outstretched. He looked bleak and furious. </p>
<p>"Pads, help me," she whispered. "I can't move my legs. I need you to help me."</p>
<p>Sirius crossed the room and crouched down beside her. He put a hand on her cheek before asking,</p>
<p>"What was the first thing you ever asked me?"</p>
<p>Lily began to sob. "I asked if all purebloods walked with a stick up their arse or if it was just you."</p>
<p>She felt his arms go around her and she sobbed into his shoulder. Harry woke up, jostled from the movement and complained about not getting any of the attention. Sirius let her go and picked up his godson. </p>
<p>"Hey pup. What did that nasty thing put on your head, huh?" he said quietly. </p>
<p>Sirius crouched back down and Harry reached for her. She took him and saw the rage begin to flood Sirius's system. She grabbed his wrist and looked him dead in the eye.</p>
<p>"I have just lost my husband, possibly my ability to walk and my son has been scarred. I can't have you losing your shit right now. Peter exposed us. You are not about to go all vigilante justice on him. Do you hear me Padfoot? Your godson needs you."</p>
<p>Sirius closed his eyes, making a fist, before looking at her again. He palmed his wand.</p>
<p>"Gonna take you and Harry to St. Mungo's alright? See if they can fix your legs."</p>
<p>Lily nodded, holding her son tight, and let the sidealong apparation take her away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius settled her on a milk crate in the alley beside St. Mungo's while he went to get someone to help. She rocked Harry in her arms and tried not to think about being paralysed. She didn't know if there was a magical cure for it but muggle technology and science didn't have an answer yet. After a few minutes, she began to wonder if Sirius had taken off. He had always had a temper. She knew it was because of how he was raised and the abuse he suffered, but he could control it if he needed to. She hoped he could now.</p>
<p>Sirius and a healer arrived with a stretcher that Lily was carefully laid on. She was taken inside and put on a bed. Harry, now asleep, was handed off to Sirius while she was taken into the examination room.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He paced the waiting room with Harry in his arms. It was the only thing keeping him from taking off after Peter. The rat had lived up to his animagus form after all. He stared at his godson as he walked. He would stay with Lily. He would keep his promise to the both of them to raise Harry. He would never let his pup get hurt. </p>
<p>"Mr Black, you informed us that the boy also sustained an injury?" A healer inquired quietly. </p>
<p>He stopped pacing and carefully repositioned Harry so that she could see the mark on his head. The healer wasn't fast enough to hide her reaction and Sirius released a growl.</p>
<p>"What is it?" he demanded.</p>
<p>"Well sir, it appears as though Harry Potter survived the killing curse. You see? It's the wand movement needed to perform the Unforgivable."</p>
<p>Sirius stared at Harry's forehead. Voldemort had tried, and failed, to kill his pup. His legs suddenly felt weak and he was guided into a chair. Why hadn't Voldemort been successful? He was clearly well versed in using the curse. He'd murdered James with it. So why hadn't he succeeded with Harry? As he thought about it, the question of how Lily was alive came into question. She didn't appear to have the mark of death on her. He looked towards her examination room. Why had she been spared?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dumbledore waltzed into the waiting room and Sirius tightened his grip on Harry. He couldn't lose his shit. Not now. Not while he had his pup to look after. Lily was still being examined and he had to hope that she regained use of her legs. Motherhood was hard enough without adding that to the mix.</p>
<p>"Mr Black... I wasn't expecting to see you here," Dumbledore said.</p>
<p>"Why?" he snapped. "Did you expect me to be dead too?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't under the impression that Lily would consort with someone who'd betrayed her."</p>
<p>Sirius's head snapped up and he glared at his former headmaster. "I wasn't the secret keeper. Not at the end. I switched with Peter. Lily can verify and I'll take veritaserum to prove it if necessary. But right now, I am taking care of my godson while I wait to hear if Lily gets to walk again."</p>
<p>Alastor Moody entered the waiting room and his eye stared at him from across the room. </p>
<p>Eventually, Lily's healer exited the examination room and Sirius stood up.</p>
<p>"The reason we believe Mrs Potter couldn't move her legs was due to a rather large piece of wood stuck in her back. We have removed it and healed the wound but time will tell if she will regain function," the healer said. "She's asking for the two of you if you'd like to come with me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius's chest felt tight upon seeing his best friend's wife in hospital robes. She looked exhausted and weak. He sat down in the chair beside her bed and tried to think of anything to say. The reality of the night was sinking in and he couldn't handle it. Lily looked as though she felt the same.</p>
<p>"What did they say about his mark?" she asked quietly.</p>
<p>"He survived the killing curse, Lils," Sirius replied. "He somehow survived the killing curse. I didn't even know that was possible."</p>
<p>Lily shrugged. "I don't care how he survived. Just that he did. He's all I have left of James now."</p>
<p>With the words spoken, Sirius felt his heart break. Both of his brother's were dead. His adoptive parents were long since gone. Lily had tears running down her cheeks.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry, Lily," Sirius choked. "I should never have swapped with him. I shouldn't-"</p>
<p>"Padfoot, listen to me right now," Lily cut in. "You are not at fault here. Peter bloody Pettigrew is. The aurors better be out looking for him or they will have me to answer to. He deserves to rot in Azkaban for the rest of his life!"</p>
<p>Lily winced and Harry woke up. He struggled in Sirius's arms until he relented and let the baby go to his mother. Lily held him and tried not to let her sadness rub off. With a deep breath, he let Lily know that he was going to be just outside. He asked one of the healer's to stay with her for Harry's safety before going back to the waiting room, ready to face off the remaining Order members.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 2</h1>
<p>
  <strong>November 1st 1981</strong>
</p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She was exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally. All the energy she had got put into feeding Harry and occupying the rascal. Sirius, after his raving lunatic act in the waiting room, had returned to her bedside and acted as Harry's cot while she rested. She had no idea what she was going to do once they were discharged. She certainly wasn't going to go back to Godric's Hollow. She couldn't face that. She was drifting in and out of consciousness when her door opened and someone walked in. She didn't pay much attention until Harry piped up,</p>
<p>"Moo-ey," he babbled. </p>
<p>Lily opened her eyes and sure enough, Remus was stood at the foot of her bed. He looked far older than the last time she'd seen him. Lily silently lifted her hand and he came around to her side. He hugged her so tightly it caused her back to twinge. She ignored the pain because her best friend was with her.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Lily. I really am," Remus whispered.</p>
<p>"He's gone, Remus. James is dead. He's dead," Lily blubbed.</p>
<p>Her tears, now hidden from Harry, came freely and Remus rubbed her back gently. Neither of them said anything. There was nothing that could be said. It wasn't until Harry started getting louder that Lily leaned back. Her son was patting a sleeping Sirius on the face.</p>
<p>"Pafoo," he babbled. "Moo-ey. Pafoo. Moo-ey."</p>
<p>Lily smiled. Of course he wanted his godfather to know that Moony had arrived. Eventually Sirius gave in to the demands of the baby and woke up, trying to understand what Harry was talking about. It seemed to take Sirius far too long to realize they were not at anyone's home. When he did, he looked straight at Lily and she could almost hear his thoughts. She also wanted it to be a bad dream.</p>
<p>"Padfoot, gimme," Lily said, reaching towards her son.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius stood up but froze midway between handing her Harry. He'd finally noticed Remus. Harry decidedly was not happy about being in between people and started to cry. Lily, hating the sound, leaned forward and batted Sirius.</p>
<p>"Sirius, give me my child!" </p>
<p>The animagus didn't seem to come out of his shock so much as move automatically. Lily sat Harry on her lap and glanced between the two men. Both appeared to have seen a ghost and it wasn't much of a surprise. Remus had been on secret missions more than he had normal ones. When neither of them moved, she rolled her eyes before looking at Harry.</p>
<p>"Well Harry. I think Padfoot and Moony need to talk to each other, don't you?" she asked rather loudly. "I mean, the statue thing they have going on is certainly an interesting reunion but not a very productive one. They should talk to each other. Like adults."</p>
<p>Remus seemed to get the hint first and rolled his eyes at her. "I don't think Harry can comprehend what you just said."</p>
<p>"Harry, I think Moony just got the point. Should we give him a round of applause?"</p>
<p>Harry obliged and started slapping his fists together in a dysfunctional rhythm. Remus laughed quietly and stroked Harry's hair. Lily looked at Sirius, who still hadn't recovered. She rolled her eyes again before silently casting the shiver jinx she'd created seventh year. Sirius began to vibrate and he scowled at her.</p>
<p>"Even without a wand?" he asked, his teeth chattering.</p>
<p>"I created the jinx. I should hope I can cast it without a bloody wand. Talk to Moony," She replied as he countered the jinx with his wand in hand.</p>
<p>Harry waved to his godfather who smiled. </p>
<p>"Alright, I get it, pup. I'll talk to Moony."</p>
<p>He and Remus stepped outside the doors. Lily smiled at Harry, telling him about how she was so glad that his life wouldn't be as dangerous as her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV) </h2>
<p>He crossed his arms and tried to think of something to say. He and Sirius hadn't spoken in a long while and they hadn't exactly left off, on the greatest of terms. Sirius twirled his wand and stared at the floor. So clearly, it was a two way street of not knowing what to say. He had only agreed because Lily wouldn't have let up about it, and he wasn't in the mood to make her life any harder.</p>
<p>"He's dead, Re," Sirius whispered. "James is dead."</p>
<p>The words were filled with pain and Remus tried to keep himself under control. Now was not the time for him to fall apart.</p>
<p>"I know," he said, his voice thick despite what he thought. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Sirius finally looked at him and there were tears in his eyes. "You're not going to accuse me of ratting them out?"</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. "Lily wouldn't be talking to you if you had. I don't know when you stopped being secret keeper but I'm gonna kill whoever you swapped with."</p>
<p>Despite Sirius's usual punk rock bravado, he stepped towards Remus and hugged him tightly. Remus returned the gesture and felt Sirius shake with silent tears. He held onto his love as tightly as he could. A couple of healers stared at them but he no longer cared about homophobic bigotry. Nothing compared to what he'd dealt with among the werewolves. Remus rested his cheek on Sirius's hair and forced his own emotions to stay locked up. There would be time to handle those later. </p>
<p>He couldn't have said how long Sirius cried. He wasn't really paying attention and he wasn't going to be the first to let go. Sirius apparently felt the same way because even when he stepped back, his hands lingered on Remus's arms.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry for ever believing you were the spy," Sirius whispered. "I should never have doubted you."</p>
<p>"It's alright, love. In your defence, I wasn't exactly behaving like I was innocent," Remus replied. "It wasn't as if I was one hundred percent convinced you were clear either."</p>
<p>"I'm still love then?"</p>
<p>"We went over this a long time ago. Even when you drive me nuts, I still love you. When are you going to get it through your thick head?"</p>
<p>Sirius smiled, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. Remus wiped it away and left his hand where it was. Sirius opened his mouth to say something but before he could, a shout came from Lily's room followed by a crash and Harry wailing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both moved, rushing in. Lily was crumpled on the floor, blood leaking from her head. Remus picked Harry up from where he was laid on the bed and held him to his chest. He didn't need to see that. Sirius was beside Lily, trying to see where the blood was coming from. A couple of healers rushed into the room, moving him out of the way. They lifted Lily back onto the bed before using a spell to stop the bleeding on her head. Sirius stood beside Remus and tightly gripped one of his arms. They both watched as their friend was checked over again, for seemingly an eternity, before the healers turned around.</p>
<p>"She appears to have hit her head when she hit the floor. Normally we wouldn't be too concerned but she already had an injury there. When she wakes up, let us know if she seems disorientated, anmesic or just generally not herself."</p>
<p>He and Sirius could only nod. They were left alone again and Sirius started to pace. Remus sat down, settling Harry in his lap before taking off his watch and transfiguing it into a playmat. While Harry was occupied with the bright colours, Remus pulled Sirius to a stop.</p>
<p>"Let me guess," he said. "You know who betrayed them, want to go after them but can't because Lily told you not to? Now you're thinking that because she's unconscious, you can get away with it? Tell me if I'm wrong."</p>
<p>Sirius didn't have to say anything to confirm what he'd guessed. Remus kissed his forehead.</p>
<p>"Don't let your impulsivity get in the way of keeping them safe, Pads. You're the next best thing that Harry's got to a father now. Don't do anything to run the risk of him losing you too."</p>
<p>The whine that Sirius released bordered on Padfoot capabilities and he let Remus take him back over to the chair. Remus slid down the wall to sit beside Harry, who was overjoyed to see him so close. To entertain their kid, he produced his wand and started using some of the most harmless charms he could think of. It had been a while since he'd used magic for something so good. He met grey eyes and knew that Sirius was feeling the same way.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>Harry fell asleep with his head on Remus's leg while the rest of him was on the play mat. Sirius couldn't help but stare at how much he had missed both the people beside him. His heart still hurt from losing James but it was relieved somewhat. He knew the pain would never fully go away. </p>
<p>"Harry!" Lily exclaimed. "Harry!"</p>
<p>Sirius shot out of his seat and was by Lily's side in an instant. He took her hands in his and she looked at him with panic in her eyes.</p>
<p>"Harry's fine, Lils. He's asleep with Remus. He's safe," he said gently.</p>
<p>"But where-?"</p>
<p>"On the floor, Lily. I've got him," Remus added.</p>
<p>Lily tried to move over so that she could see but flinched instead, pain all across her face. Sirius frowned.</p>
<p>"I promise you he's okay, Lily. Just relax," Sirius said, squeezing her hands.</p>
<p>Remus scooped Harry into his arms and stood up, allowing Lily to see that Harry was predominantly unharmed. She sighed heavily as Remus perched himself on the bed by her feet. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a mild comotion out in the hallway but Sirius ignored it. At least he did, until he heard a very angry Minerva McGonagall. He looked at Lily then at Remus to confirm he wasn't hearing things before turning to look at the door. </p>
<p>"I should have been informed last night, Albus! I do not care if you thought it prudent not to tell more people than was necessary. They are my students!" Minnie snapped, her voice much closer to their room.</p>
<p>"Minerva, perhaps it is best you keep your temper," Dumbledore replied.</p>
<p>"Keep my temper. Albus, this is me keeping my temper. Step aside."</p>
<p>The door opened and Minnie walked in, glaring at Dumbledore (presumably) until the door closed behind her. When she turned around, Sirius, Remus and Lily were all staring at her with the same surprised expression. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Did you think I wouldn't find out that one of my students was a traitor, not only to his best friends but also to his house?" she asked.</p>
<p>Sirius looked down and heard Remus's sharp intake of breath.</p>
<p>"Peter was the secret keeper?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p>"Didn't Sirius tell you?" Lily replied.</p>
<p>"Yes, Remus. Mr Pettigrew betrayed the Potter's. He is currently being sought after by Alastor, who feels very strongly about what happened," Minnie explained. </p>
<p>Sirius looked up as Remus handed Harry over to her before coming to stand behind him. Sirius took his hand and squeezed it tightly. Minnie stood beside Lily and looked down at the child in her arms. </p>
<p>"He'll be the most famous boy amongst wizarding kind."</p>
<p>Sirius balked at the concept. He had been born to one of the most known wizarding families and it had been awful. Everyone knowing who he was, jumping to conclusions before he'd even said three words to them. He glanced at Lily who also didn't seem impressed.</p>
<p>"If that's the case, then he will have as little contact with the wizarding world until he starts attending Hogwarts," she said firmly.</p>
<p>Minnie smiled at her indulgently. "That's a very wise idea, Mrs Potter. One I would have suggested myself."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was sat in Remus's lap several hours later, acting as Harry's cot while the three of them slept when he came to a realization. They didn't have anywhere to go upon release. Lily was not going to want to go back to Godric's Hollow and the tiny flat he owned wasn't enough for the four of them. Potter Manor had been sold a year after James's parents had died from dragon pox. What were they going to do? </p>
<p>Remus kissed his cheek. "You're thinking so hard, I can hear it."</p>
<p>"Sorry, Moony," Sirius replied, resting his head against Remus's shoulder. "I just... what are we going to do?"</p>
<p>"We'll work it out, love. We always do. Get some rest."</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, turning slightly so that Harry was wedged between his arm and Remus's chest. Remus wrapped his arms around them both and after a while, Sirius fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 3</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>November 2nd 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She glared at her best friend. Harry was with Sirius somewhere else in the hospital, having gotten bored of the room, and Lily wanted to try standing up again. She'd been trying to convince Remus for the last hour that she could feel her legs and that she would be fine. He wasn't having any of it. Every time she so much as shifted towards the edge of the bed, he was beside her, making sure she couldn't get up. Remus, calmly, stared back, arms folded defiantly.</p>
<p>"Remus, I swear to god, if I had my wand, I'd hex you," she said icily.</p>
<p>He just smirked. "Lily, you could have been paralyzed and the last time you tried to stand, you hit your head in the same place it had already been injured. Give yourself a break."</p>
<p>"Mothers don't get breaks, Remus. We have to keep going regardless of what else happens because we have a child who needs us. You know damn well that your mother was the same. Besides. I can't fall and hit my head if you catch me first."</p>
<p>"And you know full well my coordination is abysmal. Not happening, Lily. Wait until Sirius gets back."</p>
<p>Lily flopped back on the bed and glared at a satisfied looking Remus. She was not impressed. There was also a small part of her mind that knew James would never have let her get up yet. He would have fussed over her and Harry until they were both sick of him. Her chest tightened and tears sprung in her eyes. How could he be gone? How could he be dead? Remus hopped up on the bed next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She'd had so little time with James. Just the last year and half at Hogwarts plus three very distracted years post graduation. What was she supposed to do with that? Everything about the relationship had been fast tracked because neither of them knew if they were going to survive. They'd had no time to enjoy it. They were supposed to have more time. </p>
<p>She supposed she'd started voicing some of these thoughts because Remus started agreeing with her, his voice low and thick with unshed tears. He was trying to be the strong one. She knew it was going to happen. He'd always reserved his outbursts for the privacy of his own space. He'd never been one to overshare. It was what made him and Sirius so perfect for each other. Despite her logical thoughts, she suddenly felt dangerously envious of them. They had the rest of their lives to love each other. All she had gotten was four and a half rushed years. Remus held her tighter and she really hoped she hadn't said any of that last part out loud. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Sirius came back, Harry was mouthing a banana and Sirius looked distant. Remus took Harry out of his arms and Sirius blinked in confusion.</p>
<p>"You are coming over here and stopping me from hitting my head again because your boyfriend is a worry wort," Lily said bluntly.</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. "Lily-"</p>
<p>"You don't get a say. I have to try standing up again. I need to be able to walk. I'm already a single parent. I can't become half of one too."</p>
<p>Both of them started protesting.</p>
<p>"Lily, you will never be half a parent whether you can walk or not!" Sirius snapped. "You couldn't be a shit parent if you tried."</p>
<p>"Language, Padfoot! But he's right, Lils. You are a brilliant mother and you always will be," Remus added.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and sat up. She dragged her legs over the edge of the bed and Sirius was instantly next to her, fear in his eyes. With another eye roll, she grabbed his forearms before sliding onto the floor. Her legs felt weak, but it was manageable. Slowly, she let go. She looked Sirius in the eye.</p>
<p>"I'm going to walk towards you. You're going to walk back and preferably make sure Harry doens't watch me collapse again."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded, arms outstretched on either side of her. Slowly, she took a step. Then another. Eventually she walked all the way around to the other side of the bed, Sirius moving with her in a very odd dance. When she tried to walk the other way, Sirius blocked her path, anxiety written all over his face. He didn't want her to push it. It was when she looked him in they eye, about to make her point, that the sensation vanished from her legs. They didn't give out but she could no longer feel them. Lily grabbed Sirius's arms.</p>
<p>"Pads, this is all kinds of wrong," she hissed. </p>
<p>Sirius, not knowing what had happened, stared at her the way he had when she'd gone into labour. A comical mixture of panic, fear and confusion. At least, it had been comical the first time. Not so much now.</p>
<p>"My legs don't have feeling anymore. It's like they don't exist," Lily added, trying to keep her voice calm. </p>
<p>His eyes widened and he looked down at her lower half, as if expecting it to be missing. He asked her to try moving forward. Despite her best efforts, her legs would not obey her commands. She glanced over at Harry. Had she pushed too hard too fast? What was wrong with her? She looked back at Sirius, tears in her eyes.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna pick you up, Lils," he said quietly.</p>
<p>She nodded and released one of his arms. In one fell swoop, he had her cradled to his chest for a short moment before laying her down on the bed. Harry struggled to get to her and Remus, hesitantly, obliged. With her son on her lap, happily munching on a banana, she tried to pretend it was all going to bed fine. It was a lie, but it was one she needed to believe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>November 7th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p> </p>
<p>He and Remus were going to Godric's Hollow to collect some of Harry and Lily's belongings. He gripped Remus's hand tightly as they broke into the destroyed house. Thankfully, James's body had been transported elsewhere in preparation of a funeral. Sirius knew he wouldn't have been able to cope seeing that again. </p>
<p>"Breathe, love," Remus whispered. "Just breathe."</p>
<p>Sirius tried to do as he was told but his lungs did not want to behave. They wanted to hold the air inside and never let it go. Sirius stared at the stairs that James's had lain on and felt himself begin to tremble. Remus turned him around, forcing him to look at him. </p>
<p>"I... this is harder than I thought it would be," Sirius mumbled.</p>
<p>Remus nodded, pulling him into a tight embrace. Before even a second had passed, Remus apparated them past the stairs and into the nursery.</p>
<p>Pieces of the door littered the floor, windowsill and bookshelf. Lily's blood was on the wall, presumably where she'd hit her head. What looked like ash covered the floor, fresh track marks that weren't there own scattered through it. Then, Sirius noticed the animal footprints, and felt himself start vibrating. Not from grief though. Rage flooded his system as he registered the rat prints. He knew that if he turned into Padfoot, he would smell the rat they'd once called a friend.</p>
<p>"Lily is waiting for us, love. I want to go after him too, but we have to think about our priorities," Remus said, his voice barely holding even.</p>
<p>Sirius looked him in the eye. They both shared the same rage and betrayal. Remus was just better at controlling it. He forced a bitter smile.</p>
<p>"Always the responsible one, Re."</p>
<p>"Pfft, I've never been responsible a day in my life. No idea what you're talking about."</p>
<p>Sirius's smile became genuine. Remus had always known how to diffuse him and cheer him up. Even when he didn't even want to feel better. </p>
<p>"I'm gonna start with Lily's clothes, wand and pictures." Sirius said "You good with Harry's?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took them a little over an hour to transport the essentials back to Sirius's London flat, where they'd collectively decided to use as a midway point. Once that was done, they apparated back to St. Mungo's only to run into the Longbottom's being rushed inside. He and Remus exchanged glances before following the chaos back to the psych ward. A healer stepped in their path before they got close enough to understand.</p>
<p>"What's happened?" Remus demanded.</p>
<p>"Sir I'm afraid that is a confidential medical matter," the healer said. "Unless you're family, I am unable to divulge it to you."</p>
<p>"What happened to Frank and Alice?"</p>
<p>Sirius turned towards the voice. It was Augusta Longbottom, holding a very quiet grandson. </p>
<p>"Mrs Longbottom if you would just come through," the healer insisted.</p>
<p>"Tell me what happened to my son and daughter-in-law!"</p>
<p>"Perhaps in privacy..."</p>
<p>"Speak now or find someone who will."</p>
<p>Sirius looked at Remus. How Frank had come from that woman and been such a pleasant man he had no idea. The healer shot an unreadable look at him and Remus before straightening their back. They proceeded to explain that Frank and Alice had both been subjected to the Cruciatus curse multiple times. Whatever information the deatheaters had been looking for was unknown and the couple were delirious. Sirius's heart sank. He knew what the curse felt like. It had been used on him as a child. He couldn't fathom the amount of times it would have to be used to cause total delirium. Without a word, Sirius slunk away from the psych ward. He didn't have to be told that they likely would never recover. Remus caught up moments later and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. In silence, they returned to Lily.</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Lily POV) </h2>
<p>She knew the remaining marauders too well not to see how miserable they were. She wanted to ask but didn't think she could handle any more bad news. Sirius handed her her wand in dead silence which was just disturbing. Sirius Black was never this quiet. Lily looked at Remus but the werewolf wasn't much better. In her heart, she knew it wasn't just going back to the house. Instead of asking, she rocked a sleeping Harry in her arms. There were good things in her life. A lot of bad had happened. She had lost her husband and her family had been broken apart from the inside. She was only partially able to walk due to what muggles would call a spinal contusion. She had no idea how to raise Harry with as little wizard contact without fully returning to the muggle world, which just wasn't that safe for them. </p>
<p>All of those things were true, but there was still good too. Harry was alive and almost completely unscathed. She could still walk, even if it was sporadic. She had Sirius and Remus by her side to grieve and co-parent with. They would figure out the living situation eventually. They were going to be fine. Voldemort was dead. They were safe. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius carried Harry while Lily walked into the flat using a cane she'd been given. Remus was walking beside her, ready to catch her if she fell. </p>
<p>The flat itself was quite small, with a single bedroom, bathroom and multipurpose kitchen/dining/living room. It was small, but they would make it work. They had all shared a dorm room at one point in their last year. Not that Lily would ever admit it to anyone else. She had her head girl reputation to uphold. Sirius set Harry down in his activity table before walking back to Lily, standing on her other side. Even though he was gone, with the two of them hovering over her, it felt as though James were still with her. She stopped and glanced at the couple.</p>
<p>"You realize I will let you know if my legs stop being functional right?" </p>
<p>Remus nodded, still not moving, and Sirius shrugged. "James would kill me if I let anything happen to you. I'd rather not end up with him haunting me."</p>
<p>Sirius said the words so casually but he looked away from her almost immediately. With a slight smirk, she let herself fall dramatically in his direction. He caught her instantly and frowned at her.</p>
<p>"You're not the only one who can be dramatic, Black," Lily said with a grin.</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes and hoisted her into his arms just to throw her onto the sofa. He then turned into Padfoot and licked her right across the face. She scowled at him as she wiped off the drool. Harry, apparently, found it highly entertaining. Remus sat down beside her and smiled in the way she knew meant he was suppressing his laughter.</p>
<p>"I'll put you on a lead, Pads. Don't think I won't."</p>
<p>Padfoot woofed indignantly before trotting over to Harry and licking him too. The baby laughed harder and Lily smiled. There was always a silver lining. There had to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily had argued with the couple about sleeping arrangements for well over an hour. They tried to get her to sleep in the bed but she flat out refused. This was their home and she was the guest in it, despite their many protests about it. Eventually, they'd realised she wasn't going to budge, so they headed off to their bedroom while Lily slept on the sofa, with Harry in his cot behind her. However when she woke up in the pre-dawn hours of the morning, she wasn't surprised to see that she wasn't alone. Remus was slung across the armchair, fast asleep, while Sirius, as Padfoot, was lying on the floor beside her.</p>
<p>"You really decided that you'd make yourselves uncomfortable, just to prove a point?" she asked, barely awake. </p>
<p>Remus nodded in his sleep and Padfoot woofed quietly. She couldn't help but smile. Her hand dropped down and stroked the fur on Padfoot's head. </p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>November 29th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were starting to fall into a routine. Remus was on night duty with Harry, though by that point the little one rarely woke up until morning. Lily spent most of the day with him and Sirius took responsibility of putting Harry down. It was easy enough for him though because all he had to do was set Harry in the cot, climb in himself then turn into Padfoot. Within minutes, Harry was out like a light snuggled up with his dog-father. </p>
<p>The routine was solid and comfortable, until the poxy full moon reared it's head. Remus started to get tired and Sirius got anxious. She knew he wanted to join his boyfriend when the moon hit, but also didn't want to leave Lily by herself.</p>
<p>The decision got made when Minerva showed up in their fireplace, the day of the moon.</p>
<p>She refused to take any arguments from Sirius about not going (Remus probably would have joined in if he hadn't been unconscious.)</p>
<p>"Sirius Black, I have known you were an animagus since the day you first turned. I completed the process myself and I am not blind. Remus stopped injuring himself so much one the three of you became animals. I never said anything because it would do no good for any of you," Minerva said firmly. "However, you will join Remus in whichever forest you intend to visit and you will keep him from hurting himself or anyone else. I will stay here with Lily. End of discussion."</p>
<p>Sirius nodded his head, rocking with Harry where he stood. Lily laughed. She couldn't help it. They'd been out of Hogwarts for years and yet Minerva was still very much their teacher. She likely always would be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Padfoot had taken off with Moony several hours before sundown and Lily couldn't help but feel anxious. The three of them had inhabited the same space with almost no breaks from each other for nearly a month, and she almost felt like she was missing something without them. Minerva kept her company of course. They discussed the marauders years at Hogwarts. She cried with her when they discussed James. Minerva procured ice cream in her favourite flavour from somewhere and they talked a lot. Eventually, Lily had fallen asleep.</p>
<p>
  <em>Her dream shifted into a nightmare very quickly. Replaying Halloween on repeat. Hearing James thud onto the stairs. The door exploding. Harry wailing. Her begging to spare her son. Voldemort casting her aside. Watching as he aimed his wand at Harry. Her screaming. The loop starting again. </em>
</p>
<p>She woke up with a thud, landing on the floor. Her skin was covered in sweat and her heart was racing. It wasn't her current reality. Not technically a nightmare, because it had once been true, but no longer happening. Padfoot's muzzle appeared beside her face. She looked up at the giant dog.</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Pads," she said. "It was just a nightmare."</p>
<p>Padfoot shook his head before turning back into a very exhausted Sirius.</p>
<p>"Bullshit, Lils. Nightmare's don't make you fall out of bed. Reality does," he grumbled.</p>
<p>She shrugged, trying to let her heart slow down before she moved. Sirius rubbed his eyes and sat back on his heels. Clearly he was waiting for her to get up or ask for help. With a groan, she pushed up into a sitting position. Her legs felt barely there. Instead of relying on them, she dragged herself onto the sofa by upper body strength alone. She had a feeling it was something she'd have to do for a long while. Sirius sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against him.</p>
<p>"How's Moony?" she asked.</p>
<p>"Sleeping. He told me to come look after you," Sirius replied.</p>
<p>"And you always do as your told? I guess Remus is the one holding your leash."</p>
<p>"Hardy har har. You're a real comedian, Lily."</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Pads. Make sure Moony's okay. There's like ten feet between us if something were to happen."</p>
<p>Sirius kissed her temple before pushing to his feet and walking in a mostly straight line back to the bedroom. She could only imagine how tired he was after the full moon. She flopped down to lay sideways and let herself fall back to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 4</h1>
<p>
  <strong>November 30th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She didn't leave the bathroom for over an hour. If she left then they would go to the funeral. She would have to say goodbye forever. Eventually they unlocked the door and Padfoot trotted in, laying his head on her lap where she sat on the edge of the bath. She stroked his head absently and he whined sympathetically. Remus appeared in the doorway, rocking Harry in his arms and dressed in a very formal outfit, halfway between robes and a suit. </p>
<p>"I can't imagine how you feel, Lils but we're going to be late," he said gently.</p>
<p>Lily looked up, tears making her vision blurry. "How do I say goodbye, Remus? Could you do it with Pads?"</p>
<p>Padfoot let out a pained noise and Remus visibly flinched.</p>
<p>"I don't know. I really hope I never have to find out."</p>
<p>Lily shook her head before grabbing her cane. Padfoot transformed and helped her stand up. As a group, they walked out into the hallway before apparating away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She fell into a vaguely aware trance during the ceremony. She never fully understood the gibberish that went on at wizarding funerals. They didn't have a concept of religion. Most of the attendees were Order members or school mates that kind of knew James. They were just nameless faces to her. She didn't want to see them. Didn't want to recognize them. She didn't want to say goodbye. James supposedly lay in the floating casket. She hated him for being dead as much as she would always love him. He shouldn't have faced off Voldemort without a wand. He should have run upstairs with her. They should never have split up. </p>
<p>Sirius squeezed her hand and she looked at him. He was fighting off tears. Almost feeling selfish, she hugged him tightly.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry he's dead, Pads," she whispered. "You were his best friend."</p>
<p>Sirius didn't reply. He just sobbed silently into her shoulder. It broke her heart and her eyes began to flood again too. Harry, seeing her upset, began to wail and Remus calmly tried to soothe him. To random onlookers, he wouldn't have appeared fazed, but she knew him too well. He was reaching the limits of what he could handle. She pressed her face into Sirius's shoulder. She wanted to go back and change reality. They never should have trusted Wormtail. She also wondered if anyone had let Alastor know he was an animagus. A rat. They could hide anywhere.</p>
<p>"Lily, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news," Remus said, "But I think you sister is here."</p>
<p>Her head snapped up and she scoured the nameless faces for Petunia. Hiding away at the back of the graveyard was her evil muggle sister. Sirius also looked up and he looked furious.</p>
<p>"What the fuck is she doing here?" he asked.</p>
<p>"No idea. Take Harry while Remus and I find out," Lily replied. "You might tear her throat out."</p>
<p>"Don't tempt me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus apparated to stand behind Petunia, ensuring she didn't run away before Lily could get there. Her walking was greatly improved but she wouldn't be winning any races any time soon. Petunia stared at her, a mildly horrified look on her face, then stared at the cane. Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes. Ever since marrying Vernon, her sister was a stickler for normalcy, order and neatness. A walking stick didn't fit into those categories, especially on a twenty-one-year-old. </p>
<p>"What are you doing here, Tunia?" Lily asked, a quiet rage bubbling in her chest. "You hated James."</p>
<p>Petunia crossed her arms tightly. "He was still family through you."</p>
<p>Lily scoffed. "Oh please. You should be celebrating. One less freak in the world right? Is that why you came? So that you could go home to your nice <em>normal </em>family and gloat about how a freak has died. You should be ashamed of yourself, Tunia. Just as mum and dad would be."</p>
<p>"I didn't come here to fight you, Lily. I came to pay my respects to a dead relative. Just as mum and dad taught us to do."</p>
<p>She was about to let the rage take over. To lash out at someone it would hurt the least. Her body apparently had other ideas. Her legs went numb and non-functional. She remained standing up due to her joints locking. She looked wildly at Remus.</p>
<p>"Move, Petunia," she snapped.</p>
<p>Petunia hardened her stance. "Mum wouldn't exactly be proud of your rudeness, Lily."</p>
<p>"Move out of the way, unless you'd like to be the one who catches me. My legs have ceased functioning."</p>
<p>Petunia's eyes widened and stepped to the side. When Remus passed her, she flinched, likely seeing the scars and thinking the worst. Lily couldn't help but wonder what her reaction would be if she knew the truth. Remus wrapped his arm around her waist and kept her close.</p>
<p>"What happened?" Petunia asked. "Why don't your legs work?"</p>
<p>"I got launched across the room and almost had my spinal cord snapped by a shard of wood. If it weren't for magic, I'd be wheelchair bound. As it stands, they healed me as much as was safe. The rest is up to my body. That enough information for you?"</p>
<p>Petunia looked pale. If Lily were a malicious person, she might have laughed. As it were, she felt drained. Her anger had fizzled out before reaching its boiling point and she leaned in on Remus. He took the silent cue without hesitating and sideways carried her back to where Sirius was sitting. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 3rd 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Padfoot stayed in dog form more often than he was human. He'd lay on the floor was Harry and watch him protectively. Remus, when not actively babysitting, would hide in the bedroom, silencing charms up. Lily never asked what he was doing and didn't try to pry. She knew that people grieved in different ways. Whenever she wasn't with Harry, she cried. At first it was loud and obnoxious, then it faded to quiet sobs until eventually she just wept. James was gone and they were approaching their first christmas apart since sixth year. She felt numb but overwhelmed with emotions at the same time. She didn't know what the future would hold. She just knew that they were moving forward. Or maybe sideways.</p>
<p>The knock on the door made her jump. Sirius instantly shifted back, picking Harry up defensively. Lily, thankfully in a walking moment, got up and answered the door, knowing that nobody with the dark mark could enter the flat. Rage poured out of her when she saw their visitor. Severus Snape. Sirius hissed, likely only being held back by Harry. </p>
<p>"Take Harry out of the room," Lily said, without looking away from her former friend. "Make sure he can't hear anything."</p>
<p>There was a furious sound of protest before a door closed behind her. Snape said nothing. He just stared at her cane. </p>
<p>"What in the name of all that is decent are you doing here?" she hissed.</p>
<p>"I came to see you," Snape replied calmly, eyes still on the cane. "What happened?"</p>
<p>"Fuck off! You haven't <em>come to see me</em> since we were in third year at Hogwarts. You're always after something. Frankly, I don't make a habit of associating with deatheaters either. What the fuck do you want?"</p>
<p>He finally looked up. "To talk. I ran into Petunia-"</p>
<p>"She doesn't interact with your sort, Snape. Despite how bad she is, you're a billion times worse."</p>
<p>"I ran into her. She said you were with the gaylords. Couldn't quite figure out why."</p>
<p>Lily felt her magic flow out of her the way it had when she was a child. The plates rattled in the cupboards, the windows shook and even the floor vibrated. Nobody insulted her  friends. Especially not a deatheater. Even without her wand, Lily stunned Snape, throwing him back against the wall. She silently locked the bedroom and bathroom doors, unsure of which one her son was in. He couldn't see her like this. It would scar him for life and he already had more than enough of those.</p>
<p>"You do not get to insult my best friend and the godfather of my child! You do not get to show up unnannounced and unwelcome on my doorstep just for fun. You are a deatheater. You always have been even before you were given that vile mark. You are the reason my husband is dead. You are the reason that I cannot walk. Voldemort spared me for you. Probably thought I'd hang my head and become your trophy. It will never happen. I'd take the cruciatus curse before ever coming near you again. Get away from my house, get away from my child and never, ever attempt to find me again."</p>
<p>Snape staggered to his feet, a feral snarl on his face, before stalking away a few steps. He apparated and Lily slammed the front door. She dropped to the floor and screamed. The lights began to flicker and she knew that, if she didn't control her magic soon, things would start to break. Her emotions didn't seem to get the memo.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He paced the perimeter of the bedroom with Harry in his arms. It was the only way he wouldn't go out and punch Snape. What had the bastard been thinking? He could feel Lily's magic even though he could hear nothing from the next room. Remus sat on the bed, watching him go with red eyes. He'd been crying when they'd come in but had stopped almost on command. Sirius wished he wouldn't hide it, but knew there was no point arguing about it. Remus had always loved keeping his emotions to himself.</p>
<p>"Padfoot, calm down," Remus said.</p>
<p>"Snivellous knows where we live!" Sirius replied. "He knows were we live. He knows where Lily lives. But more importantly, he knows where Harry lives. Godric only knows who he's still in communication with. You can't reform a deatheater."</p>
<p>"A little biased, love. People would say the same about you."</p>
<p>Sirius stopped pacing and stared at Remus. "Being a Black wasn't my choice. Being a deatheater was his. They decided to be bigoted blood purists. They decided to hate anything non-magical or impure. They chose to be evil. I didn't have any say about being born to a Pureblood family. Ever since I was a child, I rebelled against it. It is not the same thing."</p>
<p>"They'd say the same about me, Pads. Once a werewolf, always a dark creature with little respect for human life."</p>
<p>He balked. "You're not a dark creature, Moony. You're not a dark creature."</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. Sirius walked around and leaned towards him, careful not to overbalance with Harry in his arms. Remus leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together.</p>
<p>"My Moony is not like the other werewolves."</p>
<p>Harry reached towards Remus and Sirius let him go. Lily's magic was still humming under his feet but he wasn't in the mood to fight anyone anymore. He walked over and pulled the door open slightly. Lily was slumped on the floor, presumably crying, but the front door was closed and several things were broken. He couldn't hear anything outside the bedroom but he had to make sure Lily was okay. He glanced at Remus who simply nodded and occupied Harry. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius couldn't decide if it was better to be himself or Padfoot. He knew the only person who could make Lily feel better was dead. That was the only one she wanted and he was a very poor substitute. He sat beside Lily and tried not to flinch from the magic rolling out of her.</p>
<p>"Lils," he said quietly. "How can I help?"</p>
<p>She shook her head. Without hesitating, he wrapped his arms around her and held on as though his life depended on it. Eventually, the magical vibrations slowed then disappeared. He never let go. Remus emerged soon after and silently began reparing everything that broke, Harry asleep in his arm. Lily fell asleep too and Sirius gently lifted her into his arms. Remus transfigured the sofa into a single bed, and he laid her down in it, tucking her in tightly. He then walked into Remus's arms. Losing James was the equivalent of losing the king in a chess match. It ended with him gone. The Marauders were done with. There was no more joy. Only pain, suffering and exhaustion. Remus pulled them both into the bedroom and they laid down to sleep, fully clothed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 7th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They found a relatively modest manor out in the countryside and moved out of the flat as soon as possible. None of them knew how Snape had found them and didn't really care. Harry's safety was the utmost priority. Once there, they placed every protective enchantment on the house and disconnected the flue network. Wizards were not welcome in their house, regardless of which side they'd been in the war. Nobody could be trusted. Lily immediately began decorating the house with red, gold and blue. Tinsel went everywhere, the tree was miraculous and not a single wall was left untouched. They hired a house elf to assist with daily life called Bobbin. Sirius immediately liked this elf over the one he'd been raised with. Harry was enamoured by the elf and the elf never let Harry want for anything. Lily made sure to stay distracted with everything she possibly could, including painting Harry's nursery by hand. She ended up sitting on the floor most of the time. Stress caused her legs to give out far more than normal. Remus had tried talking her into relaxing a bit more but she'd all but bitten his head off. </p>
<p>"What are we going to do about the moon?" Remus asked, joining Sirius on the back porch. </p>
<p>"Not a clue. Can't really get Minnie here again. Not unless we find her and tell the location," he replied. "We can probably trust her but it's Lily's call, not ours."</p>
<p>"Are you going to be okay out here Pads? Far away from everyone and everything?"</p>
<p>He smiled at his Moony. "Of course I'll be fine. This is where my family is. It's not like I'm locked up anyway. I can always head into Diagon Alley if I really feel the need. Or Hogsmeade. Hell, I could even go into Muggle London if I was feeling real adventurous."</p>
<p>"Please don't do that by yourself. You and muggle life don't mix."</p>
<p>"I'll have you know I got Exceeds Expectations in muggle studies, thank you very much."</p>
<p>"Yes, Pads. You bragged about it for three weeks straight. I also read your books and essays. Muggle Studies covers almost nothing of the real world."</p>
<p>Sirius stood up from the bench and crossed his arms. "Real world? You saying magic is imaginary?"</p>
<p>Remus smirked. "Technically, it can't be seen or touched. It can have impact, but then so can the bogey man."</p>
<p>Sirius wrinkled his nose. "What's the bogey man?"</p>
<p>Remus laughed. It was the first time in weeks that he'd done it and Sirius couldn't help but join in. He had no idea why and he felt mildly hysterical for doing so. </p>
<p>Lily eventually found them, a grouchy Harry on her hip, and frowned at them. The laughter just got worse and she left them to it saying that dinner was ready when they were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The four of them were relaxing in the living room when Remus broached the subject of the full moon.</p>
<p>"Lily, the full moon is in a couple of weeks," he said casually. "Did you want Sirius to stay here with you?"</p>
<p>She had frowned at him. "Why would he do that? Minerva will be coming over. He'd just wind her up."</p>
<p>Sirius raised his eyebrow. "She knows where we are?"</p>
<p>Lily laughed. "Of course she does. How else would Harry get his letter in ten years?"</p>
<p>"Who else did you tell?" Remus asked.</p>
<p>"Nobody. Swore her to secrecy too, even from Dumbledore and the aurors. We're safe here. Nobody else can find us."</p>
<p>They lapsed back into companionable silence. Sirius listened to Remus's heart and watched the flames roar in the fireplace. It was calm. Everyone was safe. They were together and nobody was going to hurt them again. </p>
<p>
  <em>He was sitting in their flat, waiting for Remus to get home, when his gut knotted inside him. There was something wrong. He'd recieved no patronus message, no flue contact. No owls. Yet he knew there was something wrong. He stepped into the hall and apparated to Peter's cottage. The door was ajar but nobody was inside and nothing was out of the ordinary. Someone had left in a hurry though. He was about to leave when he saw the words scribbled on the door. <strong>Godric's Hallow. </strong>In a flash, he was there and he knew he'd failed. The houses were all ordinary and old. All but one. That one was smoking, the front door busted in. He walked past the gate and into the house. The house seemed fine until he'd rounded on the stairs. Splayed on the steps, was his best friend. His brother. His Prongs. Wandless and dressed in pyjamas, James was dead. He'd cried out without his control. Peter had betrayed them. Had destroyed everything. Lily cried his name. She was somehow alive. He'd closed James's eyes and sprinted up the stairs, his chest tight and his stomach in knots. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily was sprawled on the floor by Harry's cot, clearly wounded and absolutely exhausted. What had he done to her? He'd gone to her side and answered the necessary Order protocol question. Then she'd sobbed into his shoulder. He wanted revenge. She needed his help. His loyalty was torn between the two options. He'd picked Harry up when he cried and barely kept a kind face for his godson when he saw the wound on his head. He played the part of safe adult long enough to hand him over to Lily. He'd been about to apparate when she forced him to meet her eye. Demanded her help. He wanted to go after Peter. Destroy the bastard for killing his best friend. He couldn't let her be killed for his own desire. For once in his life, he did the best thing and stayed defensive rather than go on the offensive. James would have been proud.</em>
</p>
<p>He woke with a start, Moony's arms around him. The fire had died out and someone had placed a blanket over them. Remus, still unconsious, pulled him closer and Sirius let him. He craved the companionship. He needed the comfort. Losing James had destroyed his sense of belonging, but he was trying. He was trying to keep the four of them together in a strange, lopsided family. </p>
<p>"Sleep, love," Remus mumbled. "You need sleep."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you celebrate it, Merry Christmas. Otherwise, Happy Holidays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 5</h1>
<p>
  <strong>December 9th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>Harry's nursery was completed within two days of moving into the manor. She stared at the walls, now painted in blue and grey hues, and felt lost again. She'd dived into the decorating so that she had a task to do. Now it was done, she felt achingly empty. Sirius walked in and sat on the floor beside her, saying nothing. They'd developed a habit of sitting in silence, though generally, he was in dog form.</p>
<p>"Sirius... do you think we'll ever be able to laugh the way we used to?" she asked.</p>
<p>"I mean, I hope so, but I don't know. James was always the one who knew how to make everything better," he replied.</p>
<p>Lily sighed. "This will be the first christmas without him. I want to make it happy and festive for Harry but, fuck, I just feel numb and hollow inside."</p>
<p>"Harry doesn't know about life yet. He just knows that we're around him and that he's safe. It doesn't have to be a winter wonderland."</p>
<p>She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. He was right. Harry was too young to remember much. She sighed and attempted to get up only for her legs to deny that action. She didn't even have to ask before she was being levitated off the floor. Sirius shrugged, a faint smirk on his face. She rolled her eyes and focused on staying balanced in Sirius's levitation. She refused to even contemplate getting a wheelchair. She would walk again properly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 12th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He took Remus with him to Diagon Alley for some last minute shopping. They headed into Flourish and Blotts for Remus to renew his reading collection. Sirius was only half paying attention to the books because he was mostly watching Remus. The werewolf was still calculating how much each book cost and, every book he placed down, Sirius would pick up. Moony would complain about it but Sirius knew that he loved the books anyway. As per usual, when they took their stuff up to the register, Moony paid for his then watched with disapproval as Sirius paid for the rest. Before they stepped out of the shop, however, a ghostly doe appeared in front of them. </p>
<p>Sirius felt his heart stop.</p>
<p><em>'Collect some dittany while you're there. Just had to use the last of it. Apologies for the patronus. Couldn't think of a faster way and really need to make sure my supply of dittany doens't empty. Not with how things are' </em>Lily said quietly. <em>'Don't panic, either of you. I'm fine. We both are.'</em></p>
<p>Remus squeezed his arm and Sirius looked at him. Both their faces were pale and Sirius wasn't entirely sure his heart was still functioning. Before thinking it through, he whipped out his wand and cast his own patronus.</p>
<p>"What the bloody hell happened? You nearly gave Re and I a heart attack. Thought something deadly had happened! We'll be home soon."</p>
<p>As soon as the ghost wolf had disappeared, Remus stared at him. He didn't look all that disapproving though. Sirius shook his head and they headed back into the Alley. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They'd been into the apocathary, Madam Malkins and Praedico Predico and were heading towards Eeylops Owl Imporium when Sirius caught sight of his cousin Narcissa and her deatheater husband. Before he could take even a step towards them, Remus gripped his arm tightly.</p>
<p>"Priorities, Sirius!" he hissed.</p>
<p>"Priorities just mean I have to go home at the end of the day. Doesn't mean I can't punch the slimy git in the face."</p>
<p>"Sirius, punching Malfoy in the face would likely end up with aurors or some other ministry official up your arse. He's too connected for you to stand a chance. Let's just get the owls and leave."</p>
<p>Remus stepped in his path and Sirius was forced to look at him. He knew that Re was right. He usually was. But the thought of Lucius Malfoy walking around freely while James rotted in the ground was just unfair. It was unjust. </p>
<p>"Bet Lily would have let me punch him," he grumbled.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that's true but she's not exactly rational at the moment. She just lost her husband and her ability to walk the majority of the time. You should be better behaved."</p>
<p>They headed into the imporium and brought their new owls- a dark, African grass owl for him and a small Ural owl for Remus. The aim of buying the birds was to avoid signing off on letters. Lily's own barn owl was waiting for them at home. They were about to apparate when Narcissa walked straight up to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bowie, his owl, screeched at her, flapping his wings visciously in his cage. Sirius glared at his cousin, looking around for his in-law in the hopes he got close enough. Unfortunately for him, the bastard was nowhere to be seen. Narcissa held her head high and barely glanced at Remus.</p>
<p>"I hear you're raising the boy who lived," she said, her voice as nasally as ever.</p>
<p>Sirius tensed. "So what if I am? What's it got to do with you?"</p>
<p>Narcissa glanced around before allowing her haughty pureblood mannerisms drop. "I'm glad. I'm very happy that the Dark Lord failed to kill him. Harry is just a child."</p>
<p>"Really? You expect me to believe that you care whether Harry lives or dies?"</p>
<p>"I have a son his age. The idea of someone murdering him is unspeakable. I hope he lives a long and happy life. Don't fail your found family, Sirius."</p>
<p>She turned and strutted away before he could even blink. He glanced at Remus who seemed just as confused by the encounter. With a shrug, they both apparated back to the manor.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite all of the enchantments on the house, she couldn't help but flinch at the loud cracks outside. There were only three other people who could get past the shields via apparition. Harry smiled cheerfully from his bouncer and she tried to smile back. Bobbin opened the front door and Sirius charged in, bags in one hand and a strange owl in the other. He looked concerned. Again, she tried to smile and pretend that she was fine but she knew she wasn't fooling him. Her leg hurt now but she was too stubborn to get up and find the pain relief potion. </p>
<p>"What happened?" he asked quietly, placing the bags down on the armchair. </p>
<p>"My legs gave out suddenly. I dropped a glass and cut my leg up. It's what I used the dittany for," she replied. "It's not a big deal."</p>
<p>"Does it hurt?" </p>
<p>She shook her head but couldn't look him in the eye. Remus appeared out of nowhere, a vial in hand. Knowing that there was no point in arguing, she took the potion and felt the relief immediately. Sirius flopped down beside her while Remus sat down in arms reach of Harry, making noises at him. She asked what the names of the birds were and snorted when she got the answer. They'd really become a sappy couple.</p>
<p>"David Bowie was a fucking icon and you can't even deny it," Sirius insisted. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 20th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With Remus bedbound due to the closing in moon, Lily and Sirius were the only ones in the living room. Harry was down for a nap. She started chewing her lip as the recurring thought popped into her head. She didn't want to think about it. Hated the idea of it, but she couldn't lose the paranoia. Sirius poked her leg.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" he asked.</p>
<p>She looked at him and shook her head. "Nothing. I'm just being paranoid."</p>
<p>"We just fought in a war, that's bound to happen. Anything I can do?"</p>
<p>The words jumped out of her mouth before she could stop them.</p>
<p>"Register your animagus."</p>
<p>The silence turned sullen. Lily had to look away. He looked confused, frustrated and rebellious.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>In a rush of words, she explained to him the thoughts that had been going through her head. She was convinced that something was going to happen to her- death or otherwise- that meant she wouldn't be able to look after Harry. She didn't want to give the ministry any further reason not to allow him full custody. Remus would already be a hinderance because of the atrocious way they treated werewolves. When she was finished, Sirius didn't look quite so annoyed but did appear to be more upset. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 23rd 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He apparated to Diagon Alley once again but alone. He immediately felt wrong but shook off the feeling. He headed out of the magical world and into muggle london, armed with his converted muggle money. He was going to buy something very special for all three of his favourite people. He headed into the jewelers and caught the attention of the assistant. Within the hour, he was out with his gifts. He'd intended on heading straight back home from Diagon Alley but a hubub around the potions shop caught his attention. He edged closer, unable to stifle his curiosity.</p>
<p>"How can we be sure it works?" "They're no less safe because they can think like a human!" "Yeah! If anything it makes them more dangerous!"</p>
<p>Sirius caught the attention of one of the people. "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"They're creating a potion for werewolves. Supposedly gives them the ability to keep their human mind. Dunno about you but that seems unlikely."</p>
<p>He backed away from the crowd. He hoped it was true. He'd love to keep his Moony as a wolf.</p>
<p>Feeling strange, he sat down outside the ice cream parlour. He'd brought Lily a beautiful locket that he was going to put a picture of James in for her, but that wasn't enough somehow. She had only asked for one thing and it was something he could easily give her. He sighed before apparating into muggle london again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took the visitors entrance and headed through the ministry toward the aurors office. He knew where that was and seemed like an easier journey than finding whichever office he actually needed. Alastor Moody stepped into his path with a scowl on his face.</p>
<p>"Sirius. What're you doing skulking around here?" he asked.</p>
<p>"I need to register myself as an animagus and this is the only office I know how to find," Sirius replied, feeling mildly uneased by the auror.</p>
<p>"An animagus? How long have you been one of them?" </p>
<p>"Since fifth year. We were helping Moony."</p>
<p>"We? How many of you?"</p>
<p>"James and I. Peter was as well."</p>
<p>"You didn't think that was helpful information? What is he?"</p>
<p>Sirius felt a wave of idiocy. How had he forgotten to inform the lead auror that the traitor could turn into a rat! He answered the question and Moody directed him towards the right place before going to inform the other aurors of the new information. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finally found his way to the registry office and a woman glowered at him. He couldn't work out how he knew her but also didn't care as he asked for a form. Once completed he handed it back and she looked up at him, now surprised.</p>
<p>"You've been an animagus since you were fifteen?"</p>
<p>"That's what it says isn't it. Isn't this the part where you take a picture of my animagus form?"</p>
<p>She directed him towards a small room. The camera had apparently been enchanted because it began barking orders at him. He transformed and obeyed the stupid instructions. After a further ten minutes wait, he was handed a card with Padfoot's picture. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 25th 1981</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a relatively quiet affair. They had breakfast together and stayed in pyjamas all day. Harry tore into gifts with very little encouragement reminding them all of James. He cried into Remus's shoulder at lunch, then held Lily when she sobbed before dinner. When they were all sitting around the christmas tree, he was the first to hand his two favourite adults their gifts. While they unwrapped, he helped Harry with his and carefully placed the gold bangle around his wrist. On the inside, it was inscribed with James's name. Sirius knew that Harry was far too young to understand but he hoped he'd get it as an adult.</p>
<p>Remus pulled him into a tight hug.</p>
<p>"You're a massive sap," he whispered.</p>
<p>"But you love me anyway," Sirius replied. </p>
<p>He'd brought Remus a gold watch  with <em>The purest love is for my Moony. S.O.B</em>. inscribed on the back. Lily gasped and looked him in the eye.</p>
<p>"You did it?" she asked, completely shocked.</p>
<p>"The locket is from James anyway. At least, it's something he would have gotten," Sirius replied with a shrug. "It wasn't exactly difficult to get Padfoot microchipped."</p>
<p>Remus inhaled sharply and looked at him. Sirius played with his hair awkwardly. He never had worked out what you were supposed to do when people thanked you for gifts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As they were curled up in bed, Remus stared at his wrist, now adorned by the watch. </p>
<p>"How much did it cost you?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p>"You're not supposed to ask that," Sirius replied. "It's impolite."</p>
<p>"But I asked anyway."</p>
<p>"It doesn't matter, Moony. I'm rich and it's a chrismas present. I like buying you things."</p>
<p>Remus dropped his arm and wrapped it around him. They laid in silence for a while and Sirius started to drop off.</p>
<p>"When did your patronus change? I was meant to ask last week."</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. "A while ago. I didn't really pay attention because the dog it used to be looked similar."</p>
<p>Remus chuckled. "Trust you to pay no attention. Patronus Padfoot looked nothing like the wolf. Merry Christmas, love."</p>
<p>"Merry Christmas, Re."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 6</h1>
<p>
  <strong>March 17th 1984</strong>
</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>They were gathered in the kitchen, eating breakfast when a non-descript barn owl landed on their windowsill. Lily looked at the other adults. Remus got up and opened the window, allowing the bird to hop onto his arm while he untied the letter. He looked at the recipient before holding it out towards her. She took it gingerly before seeing the handwriting.</p>
<p>"It's from Minerva," she said.</p>
<p>"What does she want? Harry's not eleven yet," Sirius replied, still trying to convince the toddler not to throw his food onto the floor. </p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes in his direction. "Yes, Padfoot. I'm aware of how old my son is."</p>
<p>She opened the letter.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>I apologize for sending an owl your way, I know it's not the most favourable method of communication, but Albus wishes to speak with you. He refuses to tell me why. Hope you're all doing well.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Minerva McGonagall</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Albus wanted to talk. Anger flared up in her chest. She'd long since buried it but now she wanted to let it out. If Dumblefore hadn't made it known to her that there was a force of good against the deatheaters, her son might still have a father. She gritted her teeth to keep from snapping and handed Remus the letter. She couldn't fathom what Dumbledore could possibly have to say. </p>
<p>"What does it say?" Sirius asked, conceding that Harry wasn't hungry after the fifth time he launched his cereal onto the floor.</p>
<p>"Dumbledore's been bugging Minnie to talk to Lily," Remus replied quietly, sounding odd.</p>
<p>Lily looked Sirius in the eye. "We'd best go find out what he wants."</p>
<p>Sirius raised an eyebrow. "We?"</p>
<p>She nodded and looked back at Remus. "Don't mind watching Harry for a bit, do you Moony?"</p>
<p>The werewolf shook his head slowly before exchanging glances with Sirius. She rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>"What's the problem?"</p>
<p>"Nothing. You just have the look on your face that screams 'I'm about to murder someone'. It's mildly frightening," Sirius replied.</p>
<p>She glared at both of them, gave Sirius five minutes to get ready then kissed Harry on her way past. In her room, she dressed quickly before scribbling a letter to Minerva. She stepped into the aviary and called Achillies onto her arm. Once he was in flight, she rejoined Remus and Harry in the kitchen. The werewolf looked at her over his tea but didn't say anything. When Sirius arrived, they stepped out of the house and apparated to Hogsmeade.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily linked arms with Sirius and they walked into the Three Broomsticks. She tried to ignore the memories that swarmed up, reflexively gripped Sirius's arm tighter. They sat down in one of the booths and she buried her head in her hands.</p>
<p>"I remember coming here third year," Sirius said quietly. "James tried bribing Madam Rosmerta to give us anything stronger than butterbeer. I think he got this close to being permanently banned."</p>
<p>She laughed. "Fifth year, I was here with Marlene, Dorcas and Mary. James strutted up to the table and didn't remotely try to hide his flirting with Marlene. I think he was trying to make me jealous or something. She just turned away and snogged Dorcas. The look on his face was priceless."</p>
<p>"Wish I'd been there for that!"</p>
<p>Madam Rosmerta brought over two butterbeers, on the house. She walked away with a sad expression. Lily met Sirius's gaze and she couldn't swallow the lump in her throat. Everyone knew that James was dead. They'd all loved him, even if they thought he was a prat. They sat in brooding silence for a long while.</p>
<p>A cat patronus jumped onto the table between them. <em>I shall meet you at the edge of Hogwarts grounds. Albus insists upon you talking in his office.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily couldn't hide how much she was leaning on Sirius by the time they reached McGonagall and their old professor casually offered her arm without mentioning it. Over the last year and a half, her legs had become far more reliable. They didn't go completely numb anymore, at least not very often, but if she stood up or walked too much, she got severe shooting pain up her entire back. She hid her reaction relatively well, at least from Remus. Sirius was far less inclined to believe her. She imagined it was from years looking after his stubborn werewolf boyfriend. It was when they got to the entrance hall that she couldn't tolerate the pain anymore. She sat down on a bench and Sirius sat beside her while Minerva went to get pain-away potion from the hospital wing.</p>
<p>Students started to leave the great hall and most of them paid them no attention. Lily couldn't help but feel a wave of nostalgia. Hogwarts was where she'd always been happiest. Suddenly, a pink headed witch rushed over to them, and looked directly at Sirius.</p>
<p>"You're Sirius Black! My mum's your cousin."</p>
<p>Sirius smiled politely. "Is she? Which one would that be? I've got plenty."</p>
<p>"Andromeda. I'm Tonks."</p>
<p>Lily blinked. They'd met Andromeda's daughter one easter while at the Potter Manor. She'd been tiny, probably the same age as Harry. A glance at Sirius suggested he was just as surprised.</p>
<p>"You've certainly grown," he said. "Last time I saw you, you must of only been three."</p>
<p>The witch rolled her eyes. "It wouldn't seem quite so dramatic if you kept in touch."</p>
<p>Lily laughed. Apparently sarcasm ran deeply in the family. Sirius shook his head.</p>
<p>"I'll be sure to send Andromeda an owl. I've just been a little busy." Sirius said. "Shouldn't you be headed to lesson?"</p>
<p>Minerva returned at that exact moment and sent "Nymphadora" on her way.</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Sirius POV) </h2>
<p> </p>
<p>The second they stepped into Dumbledore's office, Lily's rage face returned and he could feel the anger coming out of her. She sat down opposite him and Sirius stood behind her chair. McGonagall had to head back down to teach. Sirius didn't quite know how to feel. </p>
<p>"Hello, Mrs Potter, Mr Black. I presume you're both well?" Dumbledore said calmly, "How is young Harry?"</p>
<p>Lily scoffed. "He's safe from you. From everyone. He will never be dragged into another war and he will never be your pawn. You're the reason he has no father. You're the reason my husband is dead. If you hadn't recruited us, we never would have lost so many people. Who knows, maybe you're the reason Peter decided to switch sides. We were children, Albus. We wanted to fight because you convinced us we would win. Too many people died for that to ever be considered victory."</p>
<p>She wasn't wrong. They'd lost half of gryffindor to the bloody war with a handful of ravenclaws and hufflepuffs thrown in too. Sirius crossed his arms tightly. Dumbledore smiled indulgently.</p>
<p>"It would appear as though I've lost your faith in me."</p>
<p>"Damn right you have. I will never rejoin the Order, no matter what happens. I've watched too many people die or be tortured for a lifetime."</p>
<p>"Then I shall assume you'll refuse to hear me out if I told you, I do not believe that Voldemort is truly dead."</p>
<p>Sirius's blood ran cold. He put his hands on Lily's shoulders and she covered one of his hands protectively. She was shaking.</p>
<p>"Voldemort turned to ash. He was dust. He was dead," Sirius snapped. "I saw what was left of him at Godric's Hollow. How is he not <em>truly</em> dead?"</p>
<p>Dumbledore looked at him over his half-moon spectacles. "Tom Riddle was terrified of death above all else. He was often seen with books containing dark magic seeking ways to obtain immortality. I believe he discovered a way of doing so."</p>
<p>"Nobody gets to live forever. It's not possible," Lily said, her voice trembling.</p>
<p>He could only imagine she was remembering the prophecy. Harry was the one who'd defeat the dark lord. They believed he'd already done it. The concept of Harry having to face him again wasn't okay. It was cruel. Sirius was consumed by rage and he glared at his former headmaster.</p>
<p>"Why do you think he's found a way to defy life?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One of the cabinets along the side of the office popped open and a shimmering dish floated out. Sirius stared at it suspicously, having lost trust in any magical item he wasn't immediately aware of instantly. Vague, ghostly shapes appeared on the surface, vanishing before you could make them out. </p>
<p>"Do you know what a pensieve is?" Dumbledore asked.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. Lily didn't respond.</p>
<p>"A pensieve allows a person to return to a memory and view it for a second or fifth time. In some instances, it allows one to view it from another perspective. The memory currently in use, is one that makes no sense. It has been tampered with by the original creator. Perhaps to hide the truth of what was discussed."</p>
<p>"Whose memory is it?" Lily asked quietly. </p>
<p>"Horace Slughorn."</p>
<p>Sirius scoffed. He couldn't help himself. Slughorn had been the most ambitious slytherin he'd known. Granted, he wasn't obsessed with blood purity and didn't appear to hold any ill will towards muggleborns, but it was accurate that if he'd given away any information that would reflect badly on him, he would do whatever necessary to cover it up. Lily stood up and began to pace. </p>
<p>"What do you think Slughorn is hiding?" she asked.</p>
<p>"That remains unclear."</p>
<p>"So you want me to talk to him on the random off chance that he has impossible knowledge about Voldemort? That is why you called me here isn't it? I was in the slug club so you think that I can get him to give me the real memory. You realize that I haven't spoken to him in years now."</p>
<p>"I shall provide you with his last known address and you may make the decision in your own time."</p>
<p>Dumbledore handed her a piece of parchment and they used his flue network to return to Hogsmeade.</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>Harry flew around on his toy broom, taking it up to the height limit and down again without a care in the world. He flew just like James did and it was a bittersweet memory. Remus tried to read while he supervised his nephew/godson (it still remained unclear as to what the relationship was) but he couldn't concentrate. Even after two years of Voldemort being dead, Remus couldn't shake the idea that Harry wasn't safe. The boy landed and hurried over.</p>
<p>"Where's mum?" he asked. "And Padfoot?"</p>
<p>"They're talking to an old friend. They'll be back soon," Remus replied, ruffling Harry's hair.</p>
<p>The boy wrinkled his nose and pushed his glasses back on properly. "Why don't I see anyone else?"</p>
<p>His stomach clenched. "Because other wizards can be dangerous. We're trying to keep you safe."</p>
<p>"Do they want to hurt me?"</p>
<p>"We don't know. So it's safer to keep you away from them."</p>
<p>Harry frowned, a replica of James, before hugging Remus tightly. He picked up their kid and carried him inside. Despite only being nearly four, the kid knew far too much and was far too curious. He got Lily's intuition and both of their stubbornness. If he thought he wasn't being told the truth, he would go on about it until he got the real answer. It lead to a lot of mature conversations followed by hours of silence. Harry didn't like knowing the answers even though he demanded them. Remus carried him up to his room and picked up <em>Tales of Beadle the Bard </em>before sitting down in the rocking chair. He read it out loud until Harry fell asleep. Then he just sat there rocking them both until the other two came home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Little bit of bittersweet fluff to break up the emotional angst. I apologize there isn't more of it. I'm not a very fluffy writer</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 7</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>December 13th 1984</strong>
</p>

<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She wrapped her cloak around her more fully. It was bitterly cold in the Scottish Highlands and she was sincerely regretting coming here. She was going against her own statement about not being pulled back into Order business. She also knew that if there was a chance that Voldemort might get a second chance at her son, she would do anything to prevent it. She had insisted on coming alone as neither Remus nor Sirius had ever been Slughorn's favourite students. They had been borderline nightmares for him. With a huff, she marched through the snow towards the lone cottage. She knocked on the door more forcefully than necessary. After several minutes of silence, Lily began to suspect that Slughorn had moved. Then, the door opened a crack, the chain on it stopping anyone from barging in. Slughorn's face appeared.</p>
<p>"Goodness!" he exclaimed. "Lily, whatever are you doing here?"</p>
<p>"I need to discuss something with you. It's very urgent and important. May I come in?"</p>
<p>He closed the door momentarily before opening it just enough for her to step inside. Once the door was closed, she magically dried her outerwear before hanging it up on a hook. Slughorn offered her a beverage and she asked for tea. Her plan would be easy enough to pull off, though it was perhaps morally grey. Remus had been utterly against it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once sat in the living room, Slughorn emerged from the kitchen with a teapot and two cups. He sat down opposite her and smiled, his jolly smile.</p>
<p>"So, what was so urgent you hunted me down in the middle of winter?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Professor, I can only imagine what the war was like for you. The people who sought you out, demanding you join them," she replied, "It wasn't an easy time for anyone."</p>
<p>Slughorn looked forlorn. "No. Many students were lost. Killed unnecessarily. All for the sake of a brilliant madman."</p>
<p>"Yes, I think I heard a rumour that you knew the dark lord prior to his uprising. Tom Ranier or something?"</p>
<p>"Riddle. Yes. Tom used to be one of the very best. Always clever, always ambitious. Brilliant at potions. He was in the slug club, you know?"</p>
<p>Lily smiled, forcing her frustration to remain in check. "I don't suppose you kept a photo did you? To add to your <em>collection</em>?"</p>
<p>He pondered that for a moment before getting up and looking through a draw. It was when his back was turned that Lily poured her vial into Slughorn's cup before serving the tea for both of them. Slughorn sat down again, a picture in hand. He looked at her quizzically.</p>
<p>"May I ask why you wish to see him?"</p>
<p>She felt a shiver go through her spine. "Professor, I saw the Dark Lord the night he died. He haunts my dreams. My hope is that I can counter how he looked at the end with how he looked before. Perhaps shed a bit of perspective on the matter."</p>
<p>He handed her the picture and she spent several minutes looking at it. The boy in the picture was young, probably in his fifth or sixth year at Hogwarts, and sporting the Slytherin garb. She looked at the young boy and wanted to hate him, but couldn't. He hadn't done any damage in the picture. He was a child. She looked up at the sound of Slughorn sipping his tea. She suppressed her grin and placed the picture on the table between them. Time for business.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Professor, I got your location from Dumbledore. He asked me to do him a final favour," Lily said, carefully picking her words. "You see, he's under the impression that Tom isn't completely dead. That he someone managed to do the impossible and keep himself alive. I don't suppose you know anything about that do you?"</p>
<p>He put the tea down slowly. "Lily, there is no way to cheat death. Not without costing oneself. Tom knew that."</p>
<p>"Yes, sir, but is there a way to keep oneself alive without preserving the soul or spirit. Is there a way to cheat death?"</p>
<p>"There is a way. Very dark magic. It- Lily have you placed something in my drink?"</p>
<p>"Yes, sir. Veritaserum. I'm sorry but if you know something, if you know something about Voldemort being alive somehow, I have to know. He wants my son dead. He already tried once before. I have to know. I don't care if you're the one who taught him or pointed him towards it. I just need to stop him from taking away my family."</p>
<p>Slughorn scowled at her and said nothing. Possibly the only way of not spilling the truth with the veritaserum in his system.</p>
<p>"In truth, you would have made an excellent Slytherin. You always were brilliant and kept up with the marauders with ease. However, should I provide you with the memory in which you seek, I never want to see you again. Do I make myself clear?"</p>
<p>"Professor, you have my word that I will never seek you out again provided you give up the information needed."</p>
<p>He withdrew his wand and took it to his head. A shiny sliver of something was dragged from his temple, clinging to the wand. She offered him the vial and he placed the memory inside. He handed it over and asked if she brought with her the counter potion. She gave it to him without complaint. </p>
<p>"I apologize for drugging you, Professor. I hope you understand that Harry is all I have left of James. I can't lose him too," she said quietly, standing up.</p>
<p>"I hope that memory allows you to rest easy. If Tom completed what he asked about... I wish you the best of luck."</p>
<p>She took her cloak, wrapped it around herself then apparated to Hogsmeade. She sent a patronus message to Dumbledore and sat in the Three Broomsticks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>July 31st 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He was jerked awake by Harry bounding onto the bed. </p>
<p>"Padfoot! Moony! Wake up! It's my birthday!"</p>
<p>Sirius sat up, grabbed his godson and pulled him into a tight hug, while flopping back down. The kid squirmed and fought to be free but Sirius wasn't about to let go.</p>
<p>"Happy birthday, Harry," Remus said sleepily. "What are you? Seven? Twelve?"</p>
<p>"Only five, Moony. Haven't gotten old have you?" Harry replied, staying still.</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. "Yeah, Moony. You gone senile on us?"</p>
<p>The werewolf glared halfheartedly before telling Harry to go wake his mum. Once the room was kid-free, he locked the doors and proved how young he was. Several times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He found Harry and Lily sitting around the kitchen table eating pancakes. He placed a box, not so subtly, on the table and was served his own plate by Bobbin. It took Harry all of thirty seconds to realize the box was a present. Lily raised her eyebrow as he stared at it, forgetting he had food on his fork. Remus joined them and sat beside him, grinning at the unopened box.</p>
<p>"Can I open it, mum?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"When you've finished your breakfast," Lily replied, shooting a glance at Sirius. "Padfoot is just teasing you with it at the moment."</p>
<p>"Why're you doing that for?"</p>
<p>"Because it's tradition," Remus replied. "You finally get to see what your dad got up to at Hogwarts."</p>
<p>Lily sat up in her seat and stared at them wide-eyed. "What exactly does that mean?"</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. "Guess you'll just have to wait and see."</p>
<p>Harry devoured his pancakes before hopping off his chair, takinig the box and sitting on Lily's lap with it. Remus took Sirius's hand and grinned. Inside the box were pictures taken after pranks, detailed plans of what they did and how they pulled it off. They'd carefully destroyed anything with Peter before giving it to Harry. His godson was enraptured by all the things Lily read for him, staring at the pictures with a huge grin. He stared at James for a long time and Sirius had to wonder if he noticed the similarities between them. Lily smiled and her eyes filled with tears. For the three of them, memories of James would forever be bittersweet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Out in the garden, Harry flew around on his new toy broom with a higher height limit. Lily followed him around nervously, though Harry never once faltered. He was as at home on a broom as his dad was. Sirius was lying on the grass with his head in Remus's lap. Everything was beautiful as the sun shone down over them. They were safe. They were okay. A barn owl flew down and landed beside him. Remus took the letter from it and allowed it to fly away. He handed Sirius the letter.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Dogstar</strong>
</p>
<p>It was from McGonagall. What did she want from him? He opened the letter and frowned. It was not in Minnie's handwriting.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Dearest Sirius,</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I'm not sure if this will ever get to you as you've clearly gone off radar. Nymphadora seems to believe that McGonagall can reach you and I hope that it's true. I'm simply writing to invite you over. As I'm sure you're aware, Ted and I kept out of the war. I was unwilling to put my daughter at risk and Ted, ever the Hufflepuff, couldn't stand the idea of harming anyone unless absolutely necessary. I also didn't wish to fight any of my family and you were all on every side.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I'd like to regain what family I can, now that we're safe. As you are the only one also banished from the tree, you are my best shot at achieving my goal. I've missed you Sirius. You always were my favourite cousin. You are, of course, allowed to invite your found family with you. Dora told me that you are still friends with Lily. Either that or you've found another redhead to hang around with.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>My door is always open to you, cousin.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Sincerely,</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Andromeda Tonks</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius stared. His cousin had invited them all over. He looked up at Remus, who blinked at him. He wondered what Dromeda would think about him being gay. She'd already left Hogwarts by the time he'd discovered his own sexuality and there hadn't been much communication since. Remus touched his cheek and smiled.</p>
<p>"You okay?" he asked.</p>
<p>"I don't actually know," Sirius replied. "Andromeda wants us to come over. Wants to reconnect with family. I don't... I don't think I can handle rejection again."</p>
<p>"Why would she reject you?"</p>
<p>Sirius just stared at Remus. He would never give up his Moony for anything. He was perfectly fine being gay. He just didn't know how much pureblood values his cousin would still hold onto. Remus leaned down and kissed him gently.</p>
<p>"You don't need her acceptance, Pads. You've got us," he whispered.</p>
<p>The letter slipped out of his hand as he kissed his boyfriend back. It was true that he didn't <em>need</em> Andromeda to validate his existence but he wanted it. He wanted it more than he'd probably ever admit. She was his last chance of having family that didn't smite him for being who he was.</p>
<p>"Who's An-drom-eda? Who's that? I thought it was a star," Harry said.</p>
<p>Sirius pulled away from Remus and saw Harry holding the letter. Lily raised an eyebrow. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>August 1st 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>Harry clung to his back like a monkey as they approached the sleek london terrace. Lily walked behind him, shielding Harry as much as possible while Sirius led the way. All three of them had their wands in hand should anything happen and Harry had been instructed to never let go while they were out in the open. They walked up the steps and Sirius rang the doorbell. It took several tense seconds before the door was opened. Andromeda still looked lovely as ever, if with a few premature grey's in her black hair. Her eyes flickered between the three of them, clearly not noticing Harry. </p>
<p>"Sirius," she said quietly. </p>
<p>"Dromeda," Sirius replied. "Mind if we come in?"</p>
<p>She stepped aside and they walked inside as fast as possible. Harry lifted his head from Remus's shoulder and looked around. Remus couldn't help but do the same. The inside of Andromeda's house was pale blue, decorated with snakes and badgers and lions. Andromeda directed them into the cozy little living room. Remus sat on the edge an armchair away from the window, and Harry stood up behind him. Sirius sat on the sofa closest to him and Lily sat beside him. Andromeda took a seat on a rocking chair in front of the fireplace.</p>
<p>"So Sirius, how have you been?" she asked. </p>
<p>"Well, fought against a bad man for several years then started to raise my best friend's son along with his wife and my boyfriend," Sirius replied.</p>
<p>Remus smiled at the bluntness. Andromeda's gaze flickered in his direction but couldn't be sure if she was looking at him or Harry.</p>
<p>"That sounds... terrifying actually. Hardly a surprise that you were placed in Gryffindor."</p>
<p>"It was. Raising Harry has been brilliant actually. He's wonderful."</p>
<p>Harry sniggered. Remus glanced at Lily who was eyeing the window, while glancing at Andromeda. She was not comfortable around other people anymore and he really couldn't blame her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Footsteps barrelled down the stairs before a pink haired teenager appeared in the doorway. She grinned when she saw Sirius.</p>
<p>"You got mum's letter."</p>
<p>Sirius smiled at her. "Sure did, Tonks. You're a proper cleverclogs getting Professor McGonagall to send it my way."</p>
<p>Andromeda made a disapproving noise. "That is not her name."</p>
<p>Tonks rolled her eyes and Sirius smirked knowingly. "Yeah, but that's how she introduced herself. Hardly surprising with a name like <em>Nymphadora</em>."</p>
<p>The pink haired witch grinned then caught sight of Harry, who hid his face in Remus's hair. Tonks approached him slowly, smiling at Remus as to not appear rude.</p>
<p>"Hey, Harry. You wanna come play?"</p>
<p>Harry peeked at her before looking at Lily, who smiled tensely. Harry gripped Remus tighter.</p>
<p>"Stayin with Moony," he mumbled.</p>
<p>Tonks smiled again. "Moony can come too. He can make sure you don't fall off the broom."</p>
<p>At the mention of flying, Harry perked up. He kept hold of Remus but clearly wanted to join the young witch. Remus glanced at Lily, looking for approval, before following Tonks out of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She didn't want to be here. Watching Remus take Harry out of the room felt like torture and she fiddled with her wand nervously. Without looking away from his cousin, Sirius took her hand and squeezed it. She tried to be reassured, but it didn't happen. She needed to get Harry back to the manor where it was safe. Andromeda gave her a sympathetic smile.</p>
<p>"I heard about what happened. It was all over the daily prophet. I'm really sorry about James. He was much too young."</p>
<p>Lily nodded. "Yeah. So was Harry but that didn't stop Voldemort trying to kill him. It was war. People died."</p>
<p>She knew she sounded bitter and her frustration was at the forefront of her mind. People couldn't be trusted. Especially with her son. </p>
<p>"I know. I also heard a rumour that you were injured that night. I hope you take no offense when I say, you look absolutely fine. A little paranoid perhaps, but, did you get injured?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Semi paralysed for a year. Now... it's complicated."</p>
<p>She looked the pureblood in the eye. She couldn't help but have a little resentment towards her. She had opted to stay out of the war. She had that option. Sirius could have too but he hadn't. He'd fought for people like her and Remus. <em>Coward</em>, she thought. Sirius glanced at her.</p>
<p>"Do you want to leave?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Yes, but I agreed to come. You deserve to have a family," Lily replied. "Make up for lost time."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So they did. They began discussing all the things that had happened after Andromeda had graduated. Talked about their respective kids. After twenty minutes, Lily couldn't stay still any longer and joined Remus in the garden. She could sense the enchantments around the perimeter, maintaining the statute of secrecy as Tonks flew around on an actual broom, slightly above where Harry was going. Remus was stood in the middle of their circuit, turning as they went around. It was a wonder he hadn't fallen over from dizziness. She joined him and he put an arm around her shoulders.</p>
<p>"How you doing?" he asked. </p>
<p>"Was I always this paranoid or did I actually get fucked over by the war?" she replied.</p>
<p>"You were always intuitive. You've just grown to expect bad things now that so many have happened. You'll be fine. Andromeda was the nicest of the Black sisters anyway."</p>
<p>She rested her head on his arm. "I know. I think isolating us from people has just made it so much harder to see them as anything but the enemies."</p>
<p>"You could always try going out. Visiting Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. By yourself. Sirius and I can watch Harry."</p>
<p>The thought of leaving Harry behind for the sake of unnecessary interaction seemed frivolous and anxiety inducing. Remus chuckled.</p>
<p>"You always were too serious," he whispered. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 8</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>August 5th 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She was proving a point to Remus. That was all she was doing. She had purposefully ignored the smirk on his face as she'd hugged Harry. She glared at her butterbeer. The leaky cauldron was relatively quiet and she wasn't entirely sure what she was supposed to away from her boys. Marlene and Dorcas had been killed during the war. Mary had vanished between missions and was presumed dead. Lily hoped that she had just realized the war was futile and left the country. As a half-blood, she'd been relatively safe. Outside of them and the marauders, she'd never really made friends. Other than the Longbottoms, but they were in the St Mungo's Psych ward. Rumour had it that they weren't exactly good company anymore. There was also a small part of her that didn't want to see them in their current state. They were suffering a fate worse than death. To exist without really touching reality. She shook her head. There was no point dwelling on their fates. There was nothing she could do for them. </p>
<p>She drank her butterbeer before heading through to Diagon Alley. She didn't need to buy anything, or deal with the goblins or anything. She felt lost. Her purpose was missing without Harry by her side. Her entire life, she'd been given a purpose by other people. Muggle school, Hogwarts, the Order then Harry. She wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to do anymore. Wasn't sure when she'd lost her drive.</p>
<p>She didn't realize where she'd been drawn to until she was stood outside the potions shop. It had been her best subject at school, followed shortly by defence against the dark arts. She'd enjoyed it. She was good at it.</p>
<p>She stepped into the shop and looked around at all the bottles and vials around the room. Mild sleeping draughts and pain relief potions were easily accessible while more valuable, potentially dangerous potions were locked behind wooden cabinets that were likely enchanted. The potion seller emerged from the back room and smiled at her.</p>
<p>"Good afternoon, madam. Is there anything you're looking for in particular?"</p>
<p>Lily shook her head. "Not really. Just... reminiscing my time at Hogwarts. I loved potions."</p>
<p>"In that case, feel free to reminisce all you like. I shall be just out the back if you need me."</p>
<p>Lily stepped closer to the counter and cast a visibilty charm on the cabinets. <em>Felix Felicius, Veritaserum, living death, amortentia, calming draught.</em> She knew them all by heart until she came to a very small cabinet at the end. The potions inside were murky brown and looked revolting. <em>Wolfsbane</em>. She read the label on the bottle and frowned. She had to hope that the potion didn't actually contain any of the plant it was names after. Wolfsbane was a deadly plant. She couldn't quite remember what the herbology of it was exactly, but knew that there wasn't a single part that could be eaten. Why would they sell death in a bottle? She then rolled her eyes at the thought. They were literally selling death, though for what reason she wasn't sure. She dinged the bell and the seller emerged again. She pointed her wand at the <em>Wolfsbane</em> cabinet.</p>
<p>"Can I ask what's in there? It says Wolfsbane but I honestly can't think of a use of the plant that isn't meant for killing someone."</p>
<p>The potions seller grimaced. "Ah, that would be the new potion for werewolves."</p>
<p>"You're allowed to sell potions to kill werewolves?"</p>
<p>"No, madam, allow me to explain. The Wolfsbane potion allows the afflicted lycanthrope to retain their human consciousness. They would no longer hunt humans or intentionally be a threat anymore than their human selves. It's... many people disagree with it's creation."</p>
<p>Lily frowned at the seller, then glanced at the cabinet again. Many questions sprang to mind about the ethical testing required to ensure it worked. How many werewolves had been subjected to it? How many had been killed? Were their side-effects? She looked back at the seller.</p>
<p>"What do you know about the effects and consequences of taking it? For the werewolf that is."</p>
<p>"I'm afraid not much. The Ministry insisted I hold stock in it, but were very cagey about revealing much about it."</p>
<p>"You know something though. Please, tell me."</p>
<p>"From the few patrons that have brought it, they tell me it tastes vile. Many vomit the first time. Though personally, I believe the mental effects of taking the potion are far worse. Very few of those who buy it, return for a refill. I can only imagine what it must be like to retain a human consciousness while in the body of a wolf."</p>
<p>"Do you have a copy of the recipe I could borrow?"</p>
<p>The potions seller eyed her warily before stepping into the back room. Lily tried to think about what she was doing. Remus would definitely be against the idea of taking a potion she knew nothing about. Sirius would actively seek to destroy it for fear of causing Remus more harm. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to give him the potion. If she could brew it in the first place. Aside from the truth serum and it's antidote that she'd used on Slughorn, she hadn't brewed many potions in recent times. Hadn't needed to. If any of them had gotten sick, she used natural remedies and muggle medicine on them. The potions seller emerged.</p>
<p>"Are you afflicted by-" they asked.</p>
<p>"Uh, no. A friend of mine. He has to leave my son and I far behind when the moon comes around. It's not ideal. If the potion does render the wolf as harmless as their human counterpart, it would make life far simpler," she replied, intentionally leaving things vague.</p>
<p>The recipe was slid across the counter. "I hope for the sake of your friend that the potion causes more good than harm."</p>
<p>She opened her mouth to ask about cost but recieved a shake of the head and an insistence that it was free. When the potions seller stepped back into the other room, she left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite not being entirely certain whether the potion would even get used, she headed to the apocathery to collect the ingredients needed for it. The assistant eyed her warily, clearly making a connection between the ingredients and it's uses, but seemed convinced she was unafflicted. She shrank the bag down and placed it into her pocket. Back in the alley, she felt lost again. Casting the <em>tempur</em> spell, she realized it had only been an hour since leaving home. It was too soon to go back yet without Remus telling her he told her so. She sighed. What else was there to do? She thought back to the Longbottoms. She doubted any of the other order members had visited them. They were no longer useful. She knew that Sirius and Remus hadn't seen them. With dutiful resignation, she apparated to the alleyway beside St. Mungo's.</p>
<p>She made her way through the wizard hospital, ignoring the whispers and stares of the magical public. She was the mother of the boy-who-lived. She had survived Voldemort's attack. She was a miracle almost as much as Harry. She made her way to the psych sector and was met by a stony faced healer.</p>
<p>"Visiting hours are not for another thirty minutes. Might I inquire as to whom you're visiting?"</p>
<p>"Frank and Alice Longbottom. We're long time friends."</p>
<p>The healer raised an eyebrow. "They've been here for years now. You've not once thought about visiting before?"</p>
<p>"You'll find I was partially paralyzed for the first year with complications from it over the next few. I've also been raising my son. Don't look at me as if visiting a friend should be the top of my priority list."</p>
<p>The healer looked as if they'd been slapped in the face. She insisted that visiting hours weren't open yet and gestured towards the waiting room. Lily scowled at them before heading into the other room and casting a disillusionment charm over herself. She'd anticipated the gossip and the stares, but it didn't mean she wanted to be drowned by them while she waited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stood up and dropped the enchantment as soon as Augusta Longbottom entered the room. She'd met the woman at the wedding and hadn't been entirely against her, despite the prickly attitude she had. Trailing behind her, was who Lily could only assume was her grandson. Lily hadn't met Neville (Order business and fidelity charms got in the way) but had come to the conclusion that he and Harry were almost exactly the same age. </p>
<p>"Lily Potter," Augusta said, walking towards her. "It's been years."</p>
<p>"Hello, Augusta. It certainly has," she replied, stepping into the hug she didn't want. </p>
<p>"How have you been since the incident?"</p>
<p>"As well as can be expected. I never quite expected to become a single mother."</p>
<p>"Of course not. That would be a foul expectation. Much as I never imagined having to raise my grandson."</p>
<p>Lily glanced down. Neville was hovering behind his grandmother, an obvious shyness to him. She crouched down.</p>
<p>"Hello, Neville. How are you?" she asked.</p>
<p>"I...I, I'm fine," he replied, his eyes wide.</p>
<p>"What have I told you about stuttering?!" Augusta hissed.</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes and looked up at the pureblood. "It's fine, Augusta."</p>
<p>The two of them locked eyes. Lily wasn't one to instruct others how to parent but she couldn't help but wonder how much of Neville's shyness was due to the harsh parenting method. Lily looked back at Neville and smiled. </p>
<p>"I have a son your age. He's called Harry. He loves to fly. What about you?"</p>
<p>"I'm useless at flying. I love looking after Dad's plants."</p>
<p>"Well then. Perhaps we'll arrange to come visit. Harry can help you with flying and you can teach him about how to look after the plants. He always waters them too much."</p>
<p>Neville nodded weakly, a small smile on his face. Lily stood back up and forced herself not to flinch as a sharp spasm ran up her back. Augusta frowned before assuring her that visiting hours were open and heading through with her grandson. Lily kept her expression blank, a skill she'd mastered by the time Harry was three, and waited for the spasm to pass. It had been quite a while since the last bad one. It was hardly surprising that she'd finally been struck again. Her spine was incredibly stubborn about healing fully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A novice healer took her through to where the Longbottoms were. Frank was sat on a bed, staring almost blankly at Neville as he excitedly babbled about plants. Augusta was sat on a chair beside him. Alice was sat on the next bed along, finger knitting something that vaguely looked like a blanket. Lily sat in the seat beside her.</p>
<p>"Hello Alice," she said. "It's Lily Potter. Do you remember me?"</p>
<p>Slowly, the blanket thing was put down and the ex-auror looked up. Her eyes were blank but twinkled with a hint of recognition. For a moment, Lily couldn't think of anything else to say. The visit had been impulsive. Alice scooped her arms together and made a rocking motion before pointing at her.</p>
<p>"Harry? He's with Sirius and Remus. They're looking after him while I have some alone time."</p>
<p>Alice then looked at Frank before back at Lily. A tear was in her eye.</p>
<p>"Yeah. James is gone. He died. He stayed a Gryffindor until the end."</p>
<p>Lily couldn't tell if Alice was really understanding her, but she began to talk about all the things Harry had done, about James, about Sirius and Remus. When the ex-auror's eyes glazed over entirely, she stopped. Whatever light that was on, had completely switched off. Lily felt her chest tighten. To lose yourself so completely was definitely worse than death. To never know your child, to see them infrequently as opposed to daily. She couldn't imagine it. She patted Alice's hand before standing up and saying goodbye. She forced herself to walk out of the hospital, despite wanting to run, and stood in the alleyway beside it for several minutes, trying to calm her mind long enough to disapperate. It seemed though, she didn't do a good enough job of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>Sirius and Harry were dancing around, screeching at the top of their lungs along with Queen, when a misty doe stopped in front of him. He froze.</p>
<p>
  <em>Godric's Hollow. Please!</em>
</p>
<p>The message was short but Lily sounded panicked. The patronus vanished and Remus quickly stepped up behind Sirius and whispered,</p>
<p>"Lily's at Godric's Hollow. She needs one of us to go."</p>
<p>Sirius turned to face him, a fierce look on his face. "I've got Harry. I can't go back there and be supportive. Please."</p>
<p>Remus kissed him quickly. "Sing properly, love, or you'll lose your voice. I'll be back, hopefully soon."</p>
<p>He ruffled Harry's hair and headed out the front door. He remembered how destroyed Sirius had been upon returning to Godric's. He couldn't imagine what state Lily was going to be in. He felt the swirling pull of apparation before looking at the cottage. He walked forwards, compartmentalizing his own reactions, and tried to remember that he was here for Lily. He called her name and got no response. He withdrew his wand, his Order training kicking in. Could it be a trap? Had one of the sneakier deatheaters managed to trap Lily? Had they expected Harry to be brought along? He slowly climbed the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. He rounded the corner and his heart all but broke. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily was sat with her back against the wall, eyes unfocused but staring midway between where the door was and where the cot used to be. Tears were silently rolling down her cheeks. Her wand was lying on the floor beside her foot, clearly having been dropped. Remus quickly checked the other rooms, just to be on the safe side, before slowly walking into the nursery. Lily didn't respond to his approach.</p>
<p>"Lily? Can you hear me?"</p>
<p>She didn't speak but barely nodded her head. She didn't stop staring. He pocketed her wand before sitting beside her. She still didn't react.</p>
<p>"What are you thinking? Or remembering is probably the better verb?"</p>
<p>"I watched it happen. I couldn't move. I watched Voldemort raise his wand against Harry. He hadn't even said the words before being killed by his own wand. I should have done something. What if he hadn't failed? I was just watching him about to murder my son. Remus, he murdered James. He... He destroyed everything. We were happy. We were married and he ruined everything."</p>
<p>Remus put his arm around her shoulders and she vibrated. He couldn't tell if it was magic or rage.</p>
<p>"But then James. I thought he grew up after the summer in fifth year. Guess I was wrong because what kind of idiotic, impulsive, moronic, demented person would jump in front of the biggest dark wizard of all time <strong>without</strong> a bloody wand?!"</p>
<p>"James Potter. He would have done it a billion times to protect you, Lily."</p>
<p>"How dare he! He got himself killed. He abandoned me to raise our child alone. He had no way of knowing that I had the two of you. He should have come upstairs with me. He should have run into our room and grabbed his wand. He shouldn't have jumped in front of a madman without any form of defence!"</p>
<p>Remus tightened his grip. Lily was shouting and he knew better than to interrupt her.</p>
<p>"I hate him! He left me. He left me alone. Harry has you and Padfoot. I am alone. I will always be alone because James took my fucking heart with him. I can't do this, Remus. I can't keep doing this. I visited the Longbottoms. I'm really not far off from where they are. I'm a ghost. Only I'm fully aware of how lost in the world I am. I never should have fallen in love with Potter. I never should have let him in. He's abandoned me with all this pain and I can't get rid of it without riding my memories of him. I can't do this, Remus. I can't-"</p>
<p>She cut herself off with a sob. It was then that he moved. He turned, kneeled beside her and tightly wrapped her in a hug. She gripped him tightly and screamed into his shoulder. She wailed and sobbed and swore. He didn't pull away. He knew that she needed to release everything before she even had a hope in moving forward. He blinked away his own tears and forced himself not to think about his own feelings. It was the only way he could be any use to her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was at the least, an hour before Lily finally quieted. Another twenty minutes before Remus managed to find any words.</p>
<p>"Hey, Lils, we should leave," he whispered.</p>
<p>Her only response was to nod. He extracted himself from her arms and stood up. She stayed exactly where she was, almost as if she'd been petrified. Her eyes were open and staring again, the difference being that they were now red and puffy. He didn't bother asking when he picked her up. She tightened her arms around his neck and he apparated back to the manor. She whispered Harry's name and he understood what she meant. </p>
<p>"Don't worry. Harry isn't going to see," he said softly.</p>
<p>He used a locator spell to find both Harry and Sirius in the living room, right near the front door. Remus stealthily carried Lily around the back where the door was opened by a concerned looking Bobbin. The elf said nothing as he walked past and hurried into Lily's bedroom. He sat her on her bed and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She just blinked at the wall in front of her. Bobbin appeared with a cup of tea that Lily took hold of but didn't drink. Remus turned to the elf.</p>
<p>"Fetch the sleeping draught please," he said.</p>
<p>Within seconds, the elf vanished and reappeared with the small vial before vanishing again. The doorknob began to turn and Remus magically locked it without requiring an incantation. He turned his attention back to Lily.</p>
<p>"I'm not going to force you to sleep, but I'm leaving the potion on the table. I have to go explain things to Harry," he said. "Are you okay for me to do that?"</p>
<p>She nodded once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He unlocked the door and stepped out into the hallway. Sirius was sat on the floor with Harry in his lap. Both of them looked up expectantly. Remus sat down in front of the door.</p>
<p>"Is mum okay?" Harry asked, a small crease between his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Your mum is sick, and there's no medicine for her to take," Remus replied.</p>
<p>"What kind of sick is it?"</p>
<p>"She really misses your dad, pup. She really misses your dad and she's too sad to do anything else."</p>
<p>"Can I give her cuddles?"</p>
<p>Remus shook his head and Sirius wrapped his arms around his godson.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, pup, but she's not well enough for that. We'll see how she is tomorrow, okay?"</p>
<p>Harry's frown deepened before turning around to hug Sirius, who looked at Remus with desperate eyes. They all wanted to help but there was nothing for them to do. Sirius shook his head and forced a smile onto his face.</p>
<p>"You want to fly for a bit, Harry?" Sirius asked. The kid shook his head.</p>
<p>"You want to read with us?" Remus asked. Again, a head shake.</p>
<p>"You want to cuddle with Padfoot?" Sirius asked.</p>
<p>This time, Harry nodded and pulled away, giving Sirius the space to turn. When Padfoot appeared, Remus stood up and carried Harry to his bedroom. The three of them laid on Harry's bed. Padfoot on his side with Harry resting his head on his neck while Remus was half propped up on the headboard. He levitated one of Harry's books across and read it outloud. Eventually, Harry fell asleep. Remus and Padfoot waited an hour or so after he'd dropped off before extracting themselves and resting the kid under the covers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They headed to their bedroom and got ready for bed. It was still relatively early in the evening, but Remus was exhausted from keeping his emotions bottled up and remaining in parent mode for Harry. He flopped down and Sirius, for once, pulled him close rather than laying on him.</p>
<p>"I love you, Re," he whispered.</p>
<p>"I love you too, Pads," Remus replied.</p>
<p>He wasn't anticipating it but all the bottles he'd shoved his emotions into shattered. His tears soaked Sirius's pyjama top instantly. He clung to his boyfriend in the hopes that it would keep his whole body from shattering. Sirius held him just as tightly, stroking his hair with one hand. It wasn't how he usually handled his feelings or his grief but he knew that Sirius wouldn't think any differently.</p>
<p>A quiet voice filled the air, singing a gentle lullaby that was most definitely not in English. As always, Remus felt himself relax to Sirius's dulcet singing voice. When his emotions burnt themselves out, he passed out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know Alice is supposed to be so insane she doesn't recognize her son, however, I believe she would have more deep seated memory of Lily and James as they'd spent more time together. The memories being more long-term, I see her as at least recognizing them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bonus Harry Chapter. He's not quite old enough to get a full on POV section but I needed to show this because he is James's son</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 9</h1>
<h2>(Harry POV)</h2>
<p>He woke up by himself. Quietly, he tiptoed out of bed and went to brush his teeth. It was dark outside but getting brighter. It was very early in the morning. Out in the hallway, he tried his mum's doorknob but it wouldn't budge. Quietly, he called for Bobbin.</p>
<p>"How may I assist you, Master Harry?" she asked</p>
<p>"Can you unlock Mum's door?" Harry replied.</p>
<p>The house elf looked down. "I can, but Master Lupin insisted I do not. Mistress needs her space, sir."</p>
<p>Harry frowned. He didn't ask the elf to do it anyway, even though he knew he could, and tried to think of another way into the room. He needed to see his mum. She needed to know that he loved her, even though she was sad. He did the same for Padfoot and Moony. Everytime they got sad about Dad, Harry had to make sure they knew he still loved them. It was the right thing to do. </p>
<p>Harry looked down the hall towards the back door. Seeing all the trees and brightly coloured flowers, he remembered another way in. Mum always left her window open in summer. She got too hot otherwise. He rushed towards it, as quietly as possible, only to find it was also locked by magic. He called Bobbin again and the elf looked frantic at his request.</p>
<p>"Master Harry isn't supposed to go outside alone, sir. Mistress, Master Black and Master Lupin all said the same instructions. It isn't safe, sir."</p>
<p>"Bobbin, I'm not staying outside. I'm going out to get in again," Harry replied. "Mum's window will be open. I won't be out there for long."</p>
<p>The elf still looked concerned, but this time, Harry did use his power as a Potter to get his way. He and his mum were the "owners" of Bobbin as she belonged to the Potter household. He didn't usually force his own way. It wasn't okay to upset the elf with mixed messages. This time, it was the right thing to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rushed outside, the dew on the grass making his feet wet. The air was warmish but alone in the open, Harry felt a cold chill cross his back. He looked around. There was nobody around for miles. He could just about see their neighbours house. He felt eyes on him but he couldn't see anyone. He shook his head. It was probably just the enchantments, warning him to go back inside. He reached the right window and pulled himself up on the windowsill. His arms shook with the effort but he was determined. He hooked a leg up and fell through, into his mum's bedroom with a quiet thud. </p>
<p>Harry looked at his mum and knew she was still very sad. She didn't seem to notice anyone else was in the room. She was sat on the bed staring at the wall with a blanket around her shoulders. He shuffled uncomfortably where he stood. </p>
<p>"Mummy?" he asked quietly. He didn't usually use that word anymore.</p>
<p>She looked at him then and frowned, a strange mixture of sad and concerned. "Harry? How did you get in here?"</p>
<p>He pointed to the window. "I didn't want to make Bobbin open the door but I needed to see you. You always say cuddles are the best medicine. Can I give you cuddles to make you feel better?"</p>
<p>At first, his mum just blinked at him before smiling slightly as tears formed in her eyes. She opened her arms and he scurried onto the bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her neck and held on tightly. She crushed him in return and leaned back against the headboard. He could feel her tears and kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>"It's okay, mummy. Dad's always with us. In our hearts," he said quietly, repeating to her what she'd always told him.</p>
<p>"Yes, he is love. Dad's always with us, and especially with you," she replied.</p>
<p>She shifted her head to listen to his heart and Harry smiled. Mum always said that she could hear James inside him. Knowing that his mum wasn't so sad, he started falling asleep, his head leaning on hers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Remus was a little left out in most of the other chapters. It's not my forte balancing multiple POVs. Let me know if you're liking it so far.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 10</h1><p> </p><p>
  <strong>August 6th 1985</strong>
</p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2><p>He woke up wrapped in Sirius's arms and felt lighter than he had in months. Years possibly. He thought he'd been managing his grief by himself but it appeared as though that wasn't the case. The sun was just about to cross their bed and he knew Harry had to be awake by now. He hoped that Bobbin was occupying him. It was unorthodox for a house elf to befriend the master of the house, but Harry, being as sheltered as he was, knew nothing else and loved his elf friend. It wasn't as if the rest of the household wasn't eclectic too. For all intents and purposes, the kid had three parents who were raising him and a fourth who watched over them all. One was a werewolf. </p><p>Sirius shifted in his sleep, tightening his arms. He'd become increasingly attached since the war, especially after losing James. Remus didn't mind one bit. He knew that if he really needed space, he would be given it. He almost never needed space though. Losing so many people and having to live among werewolves had made him very grateful to have the love of his life beside him. Remus tilted his head and kissed Sirius lightly on the cheek and the animagus smiled, eyes still shut.</p><p>"Love you, Moony," he whispered.</p><p>"Love you too, Pads," he replied. "We should probably get up though. You've had plenty of beauty sleep."</p><p>"How else am I supposed to maintain my splendid appearance?"</p><p>"Love, if you get anymore beauty sleep, you'll blind me and then where will you be. Merlin forbid you lose your favourite admirer."</p><p>Sirius opened his eyes and grinned. "You're the only admirer I care about, Re, and you damn well know it."</p><p>Remus kissed him again, getting a response this time around, and shifted his weight so he was lying fully on top of Sirius. The animagus's grin widened.</p><p>"I'd better be the only admirer that matters, or I might have to reconsider my stance on unjust maiming," Remus whispered, kissing his throat and leaving a love bite behind.</p><p>"Moony, there's still days til the moon. Since when are you so possessive?"</p><p>"Since you're talking about other people admiring you in <em>our</em> bed."</p><p>With that, he proceeded to leave love bites down the length of Sirius's torso and show his boyfriend just how much he loved him.</p><p> </p><p>They eventually emerged from their bedroom, showered and ready for the day. They checked the living room to find it empty. As Sirius headed down towards Harry's room, Remus paused by Lily's, unlocking it quietly. He pushed the door open and smiled.</p><p>"Hey Pads," he called softly. "There's no point checking his room."</p><p>Sirius, only halfway down the hall, stopped and turned to face him. "Why not?"</p><p>"Because Harry is most definitely James's son."</p><p>Remus leant on the doorframe. Lily had her ear pressed against Harry's chest while Harry was asleep leaning over her. Sirius joined him and took his hand with a quiet chuckle. </p><p>"How'd do you reckon he got in?" Sirius asked. "He doesn't force Bobbin to do things."</p><p>"I can't think of another way in, Pads," he replied.</p><p>Lily turned her head slightly. "He came through the window."</p><p>Sirius's hand tightened in his and his stomach flipped. Harry had been outside alone. His mind flashed back to Greyback when he was five. Sirius put his other hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear for him to breathe. He tried to comply. Safety was the most terrifying aspect of co-parenting. He knew what dangers lurked beyond the trees. His past started to blur with his present. His father's shouts. The snarl of a wolf. He vaguely registered Sirius safely guiding him to the floor, his shoulder still pressed against the doorframe. It wasn't happening anymore. He was a fully grown adult. Harry was safe. He was safe. It was 1985. He was fine.</p><p>"Moony, you're okay," Harry's quiet voice chimed in. "Nobody can hurt you here."</p><p>He blinked a few times until he could focus on Sirius's concerned face. His eyes flickered to the side. Harry was stood a foot away, looking worried but calm. He held his arms out and the boy ran into them, holding him tightly.</p><p>"It's been a while since that's happened," Sirius whispered.</p><p>"I'll be fine, love. Don't worry."</p><p>"Remus, the day Sirius stops worrying, you should be concerned," Lily added. </p><p>She'd gotten off the bed and was crouched beside them, looking exhausted but clearly more functional than the night before. Bobbin appeared behind her and announced that breakfast was ready at their convenience, before vanishing. Remus kept his arms around Harry and used the doorframe to slide back up to standing. Sirius stood faster, ready to catch them both if he fell, before offering Lily a hand up. </p><p> </p><p>Lily divulged what she'd done the day before over breakfast. Remus, following his episode, merely sipped on his tea. </p><p>"I visited the Longbottoms. They're in a really bad way," Lily said. "But I did run into Augusta and her grandson. I'm going to send an owl later on. I think we should branch out Harry's communication skills with someone his own age."</p><p>"Is it safe, Mum?" Harry asked. "I thought that was why I couldn't see people."</p><p>She ruffled his hair and smiled. "Of course we'll make sure it's safe, darling. We were all friends with the Longbottoms before they got sick. I think it would be nice for you to talk to their son, don't you?"</p><p>Harry grinned, nodded then resumed inhaling the full English breakfast that Bobbin had provided. Lily continued to smile at him for a little while longer before looking Remus directly in the eye. He quietly placed his tea on the table. He knew that look. She had something to tell him that he probably didn't want to hear. Sirius placed his hand on his knee beneath the table. He recognized the look too.</p><p>"I also visited the potions shop. I... to begin with it was just to think back to Hogwarts and, you know, remember the good times," she said.</p><p>"You mean like slug club?" Sirius injected with a sneer in his voice.</p><p>Lily shot him a dirty look before continuing. "Well, it began as that, but then I saw a potion that made no sense. I asked the seller about it. It was for lycanthropes."</p><p>A lump formed in his throat. Surprisingly, Sirius didn't comment. A glance at him suggested he knew what was being discussed.</p><p>"So, basically, the potion is taken by the werewolf for a week leading up to the moon. It, supposedly allows the wolf to retain a human mind. Rendering it, essentially harmless."</p><p>For the sake of Harry, Remus kept his voice calm. "Supposedly? As in, you don't know?"</p><p>"Apparently, the ministry is being shady about the effects and side effects of taking it. I... we can discuss this later."</p><p>He nodded and looked at Sirius again. He was surprised by how calm he was being. Usually, he got incredibly over-protective when it came to the furry problem. It made Remus all the more curious and concerned.</p><p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2><p>Once breakfast was finished, Remus and Sirius took Harry out into the garden. She headed into the office and found parchment. </p><p>
  <strong>Dearest Augusta Longbottom,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I apologize for my rapid evacuation of the hospital. It was not my intention but I had an urgent matter to attend to. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I hope I wasn't beyond my bounds to suggest a playdate between Harry and Neville. It's simply a case of being very few people in which I would trust to be around my son following the events that have occured.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Please direct your reply through Minerva McGonagall </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Hope the both of you are well,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Lily Potter</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>She sealed the letter with the Potter seal and took it into the aviary. She called her owl and sent it off. She felt a spasm of fear run through her but she ignored it. Augusta was not one for black magic and certainly wasn't in league with deatheaters given what they'd done to her son and daughter-in-law. Lily joined her boys out in the garden where Harry, on his toy broom, was hovering just above Padfoot's reach, waving around a stick. Remus was sitting on the sidelines, a huge grin on his face. She sat down beside him.</p><p>"Thank you for looking after me last night," she whispered. "I wasn't antipating that reaction."</p><p>"I think last night was cathartic for both of us, Lils," he replied. "Besides, you experienced so much pain in that house. It's not surprising you reacted so badly."</p><p>She leaned against him and they both fell backwards to lie on the grass. Padfoot bounded over and Lily just about saw his grin before he licked her across the face. He was about to do the same to Remus when the werewolf cupped a hand around his muzzle.</p><p>"Don't you dare," he said firmly. "Or you can sleep like that."</p><p>Padfoot whined before pressing his nose to Remus's forehead and trotted back over to Harry. Lily wiped the drool off her face.</p><p>"Was that the equivalant of him kissing you?"</p><p>"Nah. That was a beg for forgiveness. I don't cuddle with Padfoot unless it's the full moon."</p><p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2><p>He was sat on the kitchen chair with a cup of tea when Harry rushed in to say goodnight. Remus hugged the kid and kissed the top of his head. When Lily came in shortly after and cast a muffling charm, he knew exactly where the conversation was going. He placed his tea on the table and pushed his chair away to ensure he could easily leave. Heated debates between him and Lily had always been tempramental. They could easily boil over into flames.</p><p>"So this potion," Remus began for her. "It's not been tested?"</p><p>"I don't know and neither did the potion seller. They... honestly, I think the ministry performed tests unethically. I don't see another reason for them hiding the results from potential buyers."</p><p>"Because they're hoping for no results, leading to more dangerous werewolves, higher attacks and therefore a greater backing in the persecution of us," Remus replied fluidly. "If we're being real, there are people in the ministry who'd do anything to bring back the legality of werewolf hunting."</p><p>"I also think that in order to make the potion to the correct standard, there would have been fatalities."</p><p>Remus paused. Lily was deliberately not looking at him. "What makes you say that?"</p><p>She exhaled heavily. "Because the primary ingredient is wolfsbane."</p><p>He recalled that exact section of herbology well. In muggle cultures, it was rumoured to fend off werewolves. In reality, it was just poisonous. Every single part. He shook his head.</p><p>"I'm not touching that potion, Lily."</p><p>"It could mean you don't have to leave at the moon."</p><p>"It's a thinly veiled, commercialized werewolf killer!"</p><p>"You would be able to protect Harry, Remus! I wouldn't be here with just Minnie. You and Sirius could stay. There'd be less risk."</p><p>"Do not bring Harry into this! There is every chance this potion doesn't work and I could kill him or worse, infect him! Do not tell me it is less risky! This potion has unknown side effects. My life expectancy is already lower than a typical wizard anyway. I don't really have much interest in swallowing a bottle of poison and reducing it any further."</p><p>He'd stood up at some point and Lily was now glaring at him. Neither one of them was going to back down.</p><p>"You don't care enough to try?" she snapped.</p><p>He stalked out of the room. He couldn't let the argument burst into flames. He refused to allow that kind of hostility in the house.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 11</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>August 6th 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>Harry fell asleep quickly and Sirius was glad. At least until Remus stormed past and shut himself in their bedroom, visibly fuming. Giving him a chance to cool off, he headed into the kitchen. Lily was leaning on the side, head buried in her hands. He lingered by the doorway.</p>
<p>"What happened?"</p>
<p>Lily shook her head and didn't look at him. "Damage control, Pads. Please."</p>
<p>It was a signal that they'd used since the end of sixth year. It meant words had been said that weren't necessarily true or had been deliberately used as weapons. Sirius didn't hesitate. He marched straight back to his room and silently let himself in. His chest squeezed. Remus was shaking, the wolf clearly riled up inside. His hands were in his hair, pulling tightly. Forcing himself to remain calm, he walked towards the werewolf and stopped directly in front of him, though he could only imagine that Sirius was barely registering. Without saying a word, he reached up and laced his fingers through Remus's and forcefully guided them away from harm.</p>
<p>"Love, look at me," he said, keeping their hands tightly fused. "Listen to me and take a deep breath."</p>
<p>Remus shook his head rapidly, tears falling down his cheeks. He closed his eyes as if to avoid seeing him.</p>
<p>"Moony, I'm not going anywhere. We can stay here all night but I highly doubt that will be comfortable for either of us. So look at me and talk. Words are useful according to you."</p>
<p>For several minutes, they stayed standing, hands bound to each other, and saying nothing. Then, Remus lowered his head and pressed their foreheads together, keeping his eyes firmly closed.</p>
<p>"I just... if it doesn't work, I could infect Harry. He doesn't deserve it. It's not rational to ask me to take it."</p>
<p>"Remus, love, I agree with you. We know nothing about the potion and I'm certainly not willing to risk yours or Harry's safety. I love you too much."</p>
<p>Another silence fell before Remus pulled his head back again and opened his eyes. Unshed tears sparkled within them. Sirius directed Remus onto the bed and straddled his lap, keeping their hands together. Remus buried his face into Sirius's shoulder and they sat in silence for a long while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a quiet knock on the door before it opened and closed. Sirius could feel the guilt radiating out of his best friend's wife. </p>
<p>"I- Remus, I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I just- fuck!"</p>
<p>Sirius smirked. "You used to be so good with words, Lils."</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Pads." There was no venom in her words.</p>
<p>Remus lifted his head slowly and met Sirius's gaze. He looked utterly exhausted. Sirius turned his head towards Lily. She looked just as tired but with additional red rings around her eyes.</p>
<p>"Remus, I don't have any excuses for what I said. I never should have brought Harry into the equation and I definitely shouldn't have suggested you didn't care. I'm sorry. I honestly don't know what came over me," Lily added, finally finding the words she was struggling with. </p>
<p>"I know what came over you. It's the same thing that came over us all when the war began," Remus said softly. "Fear. Fear for yourself. Fear for your son. It makes people do and say a lot of stupid shit. Just, never tell me how little I care. We both know I'd lay my life down for Harry. Even if I have no fancy claim to him."</p>
<p>Lily nodded slowly before turning to leave. With the use of wordless, wandless magic, Sirius sealed the room shut. Lily clenched her fists before crossing her arms tightly around herself. She was clearly suppressing her tears. Sirius glanced at Remus before standing up and putting his hands on her shoulders to lead her over to the bed. He sat her beside Remus and took the space on her other side. She leaned on Remus's shoulder and he held her tightly.</p>
<p>"For the record, Moony," Sirius said. "Titles mean nothing. Harry doesn't care about them. You're Moony to him, regardless of whether you were godfather or not. Same way that I'm Padfoot."</p>
<p>Remus huffed a sigh and looked at him over Lily's head. He definitely needed to sleep soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>Despite feeling drained, she couldn't tolerate hanging around the house. She didn't want to sleep. Just after Sirius and Remus had announced they were going to bed, she grabbed her cloak and wand. She kissed Harry on the head before lightly tapping on the marauders door.</p>
<p>"Harry's with you," she said through the door.</p>
<p>"Why's Harry with us?" Sirius replied.</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter. I'll be back later."</p>
<p>She didn't wait for him to argue. Instead, she rushed out the front door and apparated away. All the way to James.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knelt at his graveside and stared at the headstone. It was as shiny as the day it had been laid. Silently, she produced a lily wreath and enchanted it to stay fresh forever. Despite the summer night being warm, she felt like ice. Her fingers didn't want to move. She didn't want to move.</p>
<p>"James, I was a right pillock," she whispered into the dark. "Remus didn't deserve any of that. You'd never have asked him to. Fuck. I miss you, darling. More than you can ever know. You always were better at handling lycanthropy than me. You were just brilliant."</p>
<p>Her head bowed as tears formed in her eyes. It was pointless. Her husband was gone. He couldn't hear her. Couldn't respond. Couldn't offer her any sort of advice. No longer her companionship. He was gone. He had moved on to whatever was next. She forced the sobs to stay inside. She had done her crying at a graveside for long enough when she'd buried the bastard. </p>
<p>She heard footsteps behind her. In an instant, her wand was drawn and she was on her feet. </p>
<p>"Lumos," she whispered. </p>
<p>The graveyard lit up and she blinked rapidly. Surely she was seeing a ghost. Mary McDonald stepped forward, hands raised to show she was unarmed.</p>
<p>"Lily, I'm not here to hurt you," she said.</p>
<p>"Everyone thinks you're dead," Lily replied, her voice harsh.</p>
<p>Mary shrugged. "In the wizarding world, I may as well be. I couldn't do it anymore, Lily. The people I'd grown up with, the people I loved were dying, dropping like flies. It was too much."</p>
<p>"So you ran away like a coward? Not very Gryffindor of you."</p>
<p>Mary shook her head. "In that moment, I was too afraid of dying and seeing more people die to care about being brave. I joined the muggle world and put my wand to rest. It's nice there. People live long lives without being afraid."</p>
<p>Lily scoffed. A sudden anger was rushing through her. She wanted to back away from the war many times. She wanted to flee the country and avoid it all. She didn't because it was for her own people that she fought. She preserved their freedoms. Clearly Mary, being a several generation half-blood didn't care about that.</p>
<p>"Why are you here?" she asked. "Are you coming back to the real world?"</p>
<p>"No. I like my life, Lily. I'm safe there."</p>
<p>"You're living a lie! People will never know you. You'll be lying to them all your life. You're a ghost. Do you have any idea how much I wish I could replace your lie with James's life? You're a traitor and a coward."</p>
<p>She placed a muggle repellant on James's grave before marching towards the far exit. She couldn't deal with Mary. Not tonight. She was too worked up and tired. Apparently, the idea wasn't shared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mary grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop. Lily turned to face her but before either of them could speak, there was a crack of apparition. </p>
<p>"Nox," Lily said quickly. "Protego."</p>
<p>The protective bubble formed around her and the ex-Order member. They were hidden from view by a tree. There was very little reason for magical folk to be in this little muggle village. It had very little draw. It was the entire reason she'd insisted James be buried here. It meant his gravesite would be less likely to get vandalized by any remaining deatheaters. Mary touched her arm, obviously concerned. Neither of them spoke. It took a few minutes but then the wizard responsible for the crack appeared. Lily saw red. </p>
<p>Peter fucking Pettigrew was approaching the graveyard, twitching nervously but otherwise relaxed. He pushed the creaky gate open and started walking straight for James's grave. Mary tightened her grip but Lily shook her off. She marched forwards and silently bound Peter in chains with the use of <em>Incarcerous</em>. He fell onto his front and before he could roll over, she hit him with another silent spell. <em>Petrificus Totalus.</em> She wasn't about to let him escape as a rat. She reached his side and rolled him over with her foot so he could see her. Her wand shook in her hand.</p>
<p>"I should kill you," she hissed. "I should torture you and murder you the way you are responsible for the murder and torture of my family. We trusted you! You betrayed us and for what? A snake tattoo? You think Voldemort trusted you? You think he respected you? He was a snake and you are a rat. He would have eaten you for dinner!"</p>
<p>She glared at him, breathing heavily before taking a deep breath. Returning to a happier place inside her head, she produced her patronus.</p>
<p>"Alastor, I have Pettigrew in custody. James's grave. Collect him before I do something unspeakable."</p>
<p>The doe bounded away as if knowing the urgency. Mary touched her shoulder but she shook the hand off. Under no circumstance was she in the mood to continue any kind of civil conversation. </p>
<p>"Peter, you deserve to suffer for the pain you've cause me and my family. It just won't be me who serves it," she snapped, keeping her wand trained on him. "The dementors should love you. All those happy memories with the marauders. All the love they showed you. I hope every last memory you had gets stripped away until all you are left with is pain, and the knowledge that you betrayed the people that loved you most. You are a coward. You are dead-"</p>
<p>"That'll be quite enough, Potter," Alastor Moody said firmly. "I shall take it from here."</p>
<p>The auror bent over Pettigrew's frozen form and attached magical handcuffs to his wrists. He informed her that they would shrink to any size so even as a rat, he wouldn't be able to escape. He then dragged the rat up by the chains and disapperated without another word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily exhaled heavily. Exhaustion took the place of her rage and she really couldn't be bothered with the ghost ex-Order member. She turned to face Mary.</p>
<p>"I'll be telling Remus and Sirius that you're alive, you know," she said. "Should you ever decide to stop being delusional, you're more than welcome to reach out. Send an owl through McGonagall. Until then, enjoy your lies."</p>
<p>Without waiting for a reply, Lily apperated home. She landed on the grass but instead of going inside, she let her knees buckle. She sat on the ground and let the exhaustion wash over her. Too much had happened in too small of a time gap. The breakdown, the argument, the liar and the traitor. It was too much. She couldn't face going inside. It was too much. At some point, she fell backwards and ended up staring at the sky until it shifted from black, to midnight blue to a pale shade of grey.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 12</h1>
<p>
  <strong>August 7th 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>Harry's shriek woke him immediately. He sat up, pulling away from Remus who was half-awake, and watched as Harry burst into the room, looking panicked.</p>
<p>"Padfoot, quickly! Mum's outside on the grass. She's laying down and isn't moving," he rambled.</p>
<p>Both he and Remus were out of the bed in a split second. Sirius scooped Harry up in his arms and Remus, wand out, was the first to leave the house. Harry buried his head against Sirius's shoulder and watched with wide eyes as Lily remained motionless in the grass.</p>
<p>"Lily?" Remus said questioningly. "What year did I manage to produce a corporeal patronus?"</p>
<p>For several achingly long seconds, Lily didn't move or reply. Sirius felt his heart start to pound. She couldn't be dead. The war was over. They were safe. </p>
<p>"Technically, on the train following fourth year. We were told to put our wands away by the prefects but you were in a stupid contest with James over who could do it first. It was your last chance until school started again. It disappeared after all of two seconds once you realized what it was," Lily said, her voice thick and listless. "Is that sufficient enough for you to put the wand down?"</p>
<p>Sirius kissed Harry's head before letting him down. His godson made no move towards his mother, waiting for Remus to give the all clear. Remus crouched beside Lily and whispered something before helping her to sit up. With a hand on Harry's shoulder, Sirius walked forward slowly. Lily looked at them then zoned in on Harry, opening her arms for him. The kid ran towards her, almost knocking her back to the ground and they clung to one another desperately.</p>
<p>"What happened, Lils?" he asked gently. "Where did you go last night?"</p>
<p>"It- safe to say, last night was rather eventful," she replied. "I saw a ghost, caught a criminal and managed to apperate home without splinching myself."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With Remus's help, she stood up with Harry in her arms. They headed inside where Bobbin served them tea- or in Harry's case, apple juice- in the kitchen. They sat around the table and Sirius gripped Remus's hand. Lily sipped her tea for several, tense minutes with Harry tightly attached to her chest, before looking them in the eye.</p>
<p>"The criminal I caught," she said, "Was a certain traitorous rat."</p>
<p>Sirius clenched Remus's hand so hard he flinched but didn't attempt to take his hand away. The rat had been captured. The rat was going to Azkaban. Several emotions crossed through him, whirling dangerously towards the venomous pit within him. He released Remus's hand and left the kitchen. He couldn't let Harry see him like this. The last time he'd felt so violent was when he discovered Regulus taking the dark mark. He forced himself to become Padfoot. The thoughts eased somewhat but didn't disappear. The front door flicked open and he bolted outside. Without thinking about anything else, he ran as far as he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>He watched Sirius go and hoped he would come back before nightfall. He manually closed the door and returned to the kitchen. Lily was staring at her teacup without really looking at it. He knew the blank expression all too well. She was utterly exhausted.</p>
<p>"Hey, Harry, why don't we take mum to bed?" Remus suggested. "She didn't sleep last night and she's really tired."</p>
<p>Harry looked up before quietly hopping off Lily's lap and tugging on her hand. She complied without question and Remus assisted in directing her to her bedroom. They laid her on the bed and watched her eyes slowly fall shut. Once Harry was convinced she was asleep, Remus followed him out of the room. </p>
<p>"Where'd Padfoot go?" Harry asked quietly.</p>
<p>"He got angry, Harry, so he went for a run. He'll be back soon," Remus replied.</p>
<p>Harry didn't look convinced but Remus took the initiative to distract him with "school" work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By lunchtime, Harry was actively refusing to do any more work, Lily was still asleep, Sirius hadn't returned and Remus was absolutely at his wits end. The full moon was in twenty-four hours and he didn't have the energy for child rearing by himself.</p>
<p>"Harry, go play with Bobbin for a bit please," Remus said firmly.</p>
<p>The child stared at him for several seconds before heading towards his bedroom and calling for the house elf. Remus walked into the kitchen, placed a silencing charm on the room, before throwing all the china and breakables on the floor. He needed to vent his rage and he needed to not be alone, but he wasn't about to subject Harry to his volatility. He deserved better. </p>
<p>When there was nothing left to throw, Remus let himself sink to the floor. Peter had been captured. They'd likely recieve summons to a trial. Harry would be dragged into the public eye. They'd be barraged by the press while not being rational. Arms wrapped themselves around his neck.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, love," Sirius whispered into his ear. "I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>Remus allowed himself to be pulled up and placed onto the kitchen chair. Sirius waved his wand and the destruction was righted. He shook his head before burying it in his hands. What if Harry had seen his outburst? Why did he think that being around the kid was acceptable? He was a werewolf with rage issues, for Godric's sake. Sirius hugged him again and forced his head up.</p>
<p>"You are not dangerous, Remus. You are not a danger to Harry," he said sternly. "You are my Moony and you deserve to be happy. Don't you dare bring this argument up again."</p>
<p>Remus clutched him tightly and forced himself not to cry. He had no reason to. Peter being caught was supposed to be a good thing. They should be celebrating.</p>
<p>"Padfoot? Moony?" Harry said quietly. "What's going on? Why is everyone upset?"</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>Harry was most definitely James's son. They sat him down in the living room and explained that the man who told a very nasty man of their location was being taken to trial for what he'd done. That they would probably have to tell the police what had happened to prove he was guilty. Despite being only five, Harry didn't seem confused. If anything, he seemed just as angry that it had taken so long to catch the bad man. </p>
<p>"Is that why mum was so tired?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah. She had a bad night last night. Had lots to think about," Sirius replied.</p>
<p>"Can we make her cookies? Or shortbread? Or muffins? So that she feels better. So that all of you feel better."</p>
<p>Sirius felt his heart clench. So much compassion from such a little kid. </p>
<p>They spent the afternoon baking all three of Harry's suggestions with Remus hijacking the chocolate for eating several times. Each time Sirius batted his hand away with the wooden spoon but didn't really scold him for it. They were all in a very odd state of functionality, including Harry, which made everything feel surreal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lily emerged from her room a little after four, hair damp and dressed in clean pyjamas. Harry abandoned their game of exploding snap to hug her tightly. Lily smiled at him then frowned in the direction of the kitchen.</p>
<p>"You've been baking?" she asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah, mum, I wanted you all to feel better about the naughty man. We made cookies, and shortbread and chocolate muffins. Padfoot says we can't have them til after dinner though," Harry replied.</p>
<p>"Throw me under the bus why don't you," Sirius grumbled.</p>
<p>Remus squeezed his knee gently. "It's usually me that gets the blame. Take one for the team."</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. Lily picked Harry up and whispered in his ear before walking into the kitchen. Moments later, Harry came running in with a chocolate chip cookie in hand. Lily returned with a floating tray of baked goods and joined them on the floor. Sirius raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"Today is an odd day, Pads. So we're going to have an odd day, alright?" She said firmly.</p>
<p>He shrugged and grabbed a muffin and ate it slowly while restarting the game of exploding snap. After a while, Lily and Remus began playing wizard's chess. The air was a strange kind of silent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Harry was carefully wrapped up in bed, Sirius flopped against Remus's chest on the couch while Lily curled up in the armchair, still looking exhausted despite sleeping most of the day. Remus stroked his hair absently while Lily fidled with her wand.</p>
<p>"The ghost I saw," she said quietly, "Was Mary McDonald. She didn't die. She bailed. She lives in the muggle world with her wand basically retired."</p>
<p>Sirius didn't have the energy to care. Remus on the other hand, tensed beneath him.</p>
<p>"What kind of bravery is that?" he scoffed. "Fucking coward."</p>
<p>"That's what I said to her. Didn't really have much time to talk, or the motivation to, cause Pettigrew showed up headed towards James's grave. I could have murdered him. If Alastor hadn't shown up when he did... it's entirely likely that I would be the one headed to Azkaban."</p>
<p>"I definitely would have murdered him," Sirius whispered. "Good for nothing traitor. I hate him more than I hate my bloody parents."</p>
<p>Remus wrapped his arms around him tightly, trying to relax the both of them. They lapsed into silence, thick with the unknown future that was about to become. What if they didn't find Pettigrew guilty? What if Harry got overwhelmed by the reporters? What if one of them lost it at the press? What if...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 13</h1><p>
  <strong>
    <span>August 8th 1985</span>
  </strong>
</p><h2>(Remus POV)</h2><p>The day passed in a semi-consious blur. He was too tired to do anything but too hyped up to stay fully asleep. Sirius woke him up a couple times for breakfast and dinner, before finally waking him up to drag him out of the house. He vaguely noticed Minerva but didn't have time to talk before Sirius was apparating them away. He only vaguely recognized the forest as one they'd used before. Sirius began the shield enchantments, ensuring that no muggle came into the area. As per usual, he timed it perfectly so that when Remus began to transform, Padfoot was by his side.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The black one bowed to him and Moony lunged playfully. He shoved the other one and rolled him over, exposing his underside. The black one whined from where he was pinned and Moony let him up, before running into the trees. They hadn't been here in a long time. The black one stayed by his side, even when he ran as fast as he could, and it was fun. In a clearing, they howled at the moon, setting off a dog much further away. They chased a rabbit, then a herd of deer before Moony snatched a bird out of the tree. The black one kept his distance while he ate, always looking around. They wrestled a bit until Moony smelt blood coming from black one's side. He whined, nudging at the injury, but the black one ignored him, choosing to run off instead. Moony stayed by his packmate's side, worried about him, until eventually they both had to stop as the sky got lighter.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Remus felt every bone in his body protest as he rolled onto his side. He'd eaten something in the night and the taste lingered in his throat. He couldn't understand why Sirius wasn't helping him. Had they lost each other in the night? That seemed unlikely. Padfoot was vigilant about staying by Moony's side, mostly to prevent any unnecessary fatalities. He blinked away the blur in his eyes and forced himself to sit up. It was then that he felt his heart stop. </p><p>Sirius was lying on the ground beside him, his chest slashed open and barely breathing. His eyes were closed and he looked a sickly shade of pale.</p><p>"Sirius," Remus croaked, his throat sore from howling at the moon. "Pads! Wake up!"</p><p>When there was no response, he ignored the aching of his own body and crawled over to his love's side. He scrambled to remove his wand from it's holster. Sirius's wand bristled in his grip but didn't outright defy him when he produced his patronus.</p><p>
  <em>Lily. Sirius is badly injured. I'll have to take him to St. Mungo's. Please meet me there. I can't handle this alone</em>
</p><p>Without waiting a second longer, he checked Sirius over as best he could. The slash was deep, but hadn't hit any vital organs or arteries. Apologizing profusely, he cradled him to his chest, gripped the wand tightly and apparated them away.</p><p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2><p>The taste of a blood replenishing potion clung to the back of his throat like tar and he coughed to move it. That turned out to be a mistake because his chest very much hated the action. He winced and felt a gentle pressure on his hand. He blinked his eyes open a few times before turning his head. Remus was sat by his side looking pale and panicked.</p><p>"I'm okay, Moony," he whispered. "I'm fine."</p><p>Remus just bent over the bed and rested his head on Sirius's arm. He shushed him gently and wished he could move more, but knew that would end up in a lot of pain that Remus would freak out about. He wondered if Lily had been informed.</p><p>"Padfoot, I'm so sorry," Remus choked. "I- fuck, why do you keep insisting on joining me? I-"</p><p>"Remus, enough. It's very rare that you cause me any significant injury. I join you because I love you and refuse to let you go through that nightmare alone. I will never abandon you. Please don't start. I love you, Moony. I love every part of you, even the parts you hate."</p><p>He lifted his head and Sirius touched his cheek with their still entwined hands.</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>Sirius half shrugged. "Hurts a bit and that blood replenisher tastes foul, but I'm fine. How are you?"</p><p>"Couple of scratches from Padfoot but they've already healed. What did I eat last night?"</p><p>Remus was unimpressed by the knowledge that he'd eaten a bird, but then he usually was whenever he ate anything in his wolf state. After a few minutes, a healer entered the room and performed a few diagnostic spells on him, before insisting that he drink a sleeping potion to allow his chest to heal properly. He tried to refuse but Remus argued that it was for the best. If only to avoid upsetting the werewolf any further, he took the potion and stared at Remus as he fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up again, he was feeling much better. He opened his eyes and saw no Remus by this side. He slowly propped himself up on one elbow to come face-to-face with a pair of concerned green eyes. Harry was frowning at him.</p><p>"Mum says you're supposed to stay laying down," he said.</p><p>"Well your mum isn't here and I'm an adult," Sirius replied, almost petulantly.</p><p>"Moony said you'd argue about it."</p><p>Sirius barked a laugh and laid back down. Harry shuffled further up the bed so he could be seen. His godson still looked concerned, so Sirius shuffled to the side, making enough room beside him, and held his arm out. Harry didn't wait to be asked twice and laid beside him carefully.</p><p>"I'm alright pup, I promise," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Harry's head.</p><p>"I know," he replied. "But Moony is panicking. He thinks it's his fault that wolf Moony hurt you. But I know that's not true. Moony would never hurt you because he meant to. I've played with dog Padfoot and been hurt but I know you didn't mean it. You love me and Moony loves you."</p><p>"I know, pup, but Moony has always been worried about hurting me. It's because he loves me and never wants to hurt me, but that's not always possible when Moony is a wolf. He just doesn't want to understand that."</p><p>Harry huffed his disapproval and Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. It was such a James response. They talked to each other about what Lily and Harry had gotten up to while the moon had been out. Apparently Minnie had stayed the night and had showed off her transfiguration skills. </p><p> </p><p>After a while, Remus and Lily entered the room, the latter looking concerned and confused, while the former was closed off, definitely hiding something. Sirius was under no illusions that it was not a topic they would discuss with Harry around.</p><p>"How you doing, Pads?" Lily asked.</p><p>"Just fine," he replied. "Anyone signed the discharge papers yet?"</p><p>"Sirius, behave," Remus said firmly. "You'll be discharged when they let you leave. Not before."</p><p>Sirius scowled before turning his head towards Harry and whispered, "Tell him Harry. I'm good to go home, even if I go straight to bed."</p><p>Harry parroted it back and Remus, blatantly irritated by his inability to deny the kid, marched back out of the room to look for a healer. Lily rolled her eyes and poked him in the chest. He just about managed to suppress the flinch.</p><p>"Sure you're fine, Pads. I wouldn't be surprised if he bound you to the bed when we get home," she said quietly.</p><p>He bit back his reply. The innuendo joke was not appropriate for a five-year-old to hear. Lily smirked, knowing exactly what he'd wanted to say.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>September 9th 1985</strong>
</p><p> </p>
<h2>(Lily POV)</h2><p>She staggered out of the apparition when she miscalculated the hill near Augusta's house. Sirius had definitely overreached as he tumbled down the hill. Harry, on Remus's back, was giggling at his godfather's antics. </p><p>"Let's go, people," Sirius called from the bottom of the hill, brushing grass off his clothes. He was definitely in a huff. </p><p>Remus allowed Harry to climb down and the kid rolled down to join his godfather. She and Remus walked down like the dignified adults they were, only stumbling a couple times. The four of them walked up to the Longbottom house, but were greeted by a small boy before they could knock. Lily recognized him as Neville.</p><p>"Hello," he said. "Gran was expecting you. She's inside. P-please come in."</p><p>Lily smiled while frowning internally. Did Augusta really think it appropriate to allow a five-year-old to answer the door to relative strangers? A glance in Remus's direction informed her that she wasn't alone in thinking it. Sirius on the other hand seemed nonplussed. Maybe it was a pureblood thing. They walked inside while Neville dashed off, presumably in the direction of his grandmother. </p><p> </p><p>They'd been inside for all of five minutes before Augusta made the suggestion for the boys to take the brooms out in the garden. Neville was reluctant but all three of her boys offered heaps of encouragement. Once they were occupied, Lily settled in the chair opposite Augusta while they drank tea.</p><p>"How are you Lily?" she asked.</p><p>"I'm perfectly well, thank you," Lily replied, "How are you?"</p><p>"I'd be better if I wasn't half convinced my grandson was a squib, but in myself, I have no complaints."</p><p>"What makes you think Neville is a squib?"</p><p>"He just hasn't shown any indication of magic. His father and, I'm told, his mother already presented magically by this age."</p><p>"Perhaps he's just content enough to have not lost control of it. It's not uncommon for children to take a while to present, Augusta. I'm sure you know this."</p><p>"He's a pureblooded wizard, Lily. He should have shown himself by now."</p><p>"James didn't present until he was seven and half. Sirius at nine. Regulus at six. There's plenty of time until Hogwarts for him to identify himself as a magical person. Keep the faith."</p><p>"Do you just keep track of all pureblood presentations to mind, Lily?"</p><p>She shrugged. "No, ma'am. I just recollect those closest to me. I also know mine and Remus's but given that neither of us are pureblooded, it wasn't relevant."</p><p>Augusta observed her for a while in silence. Lily sipped her tea. It felt like they were in a competition of sorts but she hadn't been given the rules or the end goal. She wondered if it was, once again, a pureblood behaviour. If it was... well she was very glad that both James and Sirius had been blood traitors.</p><p>"I wasn't aware you were close with Regulus Black," Augusta said. "I was under the impression he was a deatheater."</p><p>"He was," Lily said carefully. "And technically, <em>I</em> wasn't close to Regulus, but he was Sirius's brother, regardless of his expulsion from the family."</p><p> </p><p>Augusta was about to continue when there was a crash from outside. Lily was on her feet, wand in hand, before the other witch had even begun to react. Lily walked outside quickly. Harry was glaring at Neville, who was lying in a flower bed, Remus crouched beside him and a shattered garden ornament beside them. Sirius was stood a little behind Harry.</p><p>"What happened?" Lily asked.</p><p>"Harry displayed his magic," Sirius said, staring at Neville.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, putting her wand away and crouched down in front of Harry, tilting his head to look at her rather than the other boy.</p><p>"Harry, what happened?" she asked again.</p><p>"He was saying that I'm lucky Dad's dead. That he's better off like that. Then he was flying off his broom," Harry replied, his words making the reality sink in. "I didn't mean to hurt him, mum. I wasn't trying to. Mum I'm sorry."</p><p>She pulled him into a hug. "I know you didn't mean to love. I know you didn't mean it but you still need to apologize, alright?"</p><p>Harry nodded and she pulled away to stand up. Remus was stood beside Neville, steadying the boy, who looked rather disorientated. Augusta was stood in the doorway, frowning. Lily walked Harry over to the other boy and let him apologize. Neville seemed placated and suggested they go look at his plants. Harry, desperate to prove he wasn't trying to be mean, gladly went with him. When Lily met Augusta's gaze, she saw the irritation. It was rather typical that Harry prove her wrong, though technically, Lily had shown her magic at five and half, so it wasn't that far off from where Harry was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 14</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>September 20th 1985</strong>
</p>

<h2>(Lily POV)</h2>
<p>She did not like the potion she was brewing. She hated having to ward Harry out of the kitchen lest he try to touch any of the ingredients. She hated not knowing if it would work and whether she would unintentionally murder one of her best friends. Sirius had tried to talk Remus out of it, but he'd been adamant after the incident where Sirius had ended up in hospital. </p>
<p>
  <em>If I never have to risk killing you again, Pads, I will fucking do it!</em>
</p>
<p>She shook her head. Of course it was down to her to brew the potion. Remus didn't trust the ministry made ones in the potions shop to not have been tampered with. Sirius had tried not to threaten her but his overprotective side had come out multiple times. She knew for a fact if her potion killed Remus, he would make her life a living hell. He'd never kill her- wouldn't leave Harry an orphan- but life would certainly be miserable. As if killing her best friend wouldn't already do so.</p>
<p>"Mum," Harry called from behind her. "What's for dinner?"</p>
<p>She placed a temporary stasis charm on all of the potion elements, washed her hands and joined Harry in the living room.</p>
<p>"I dunno darling," she replied. "What would you like?"</p>
<p>"Can we get that chinese takeaway again?"</p>
<p>Lily smiled indulgently. "Have you done all of your school work?"</p>
<p>Harry frowned. "Most of it..."</p>
<p>"Shall I ask Remus? See just how much you've gotten done?"</p>
<p>He shook his head adamantly. "Moony will pretend I've not done it. He always says I've not done enough."</p>
<p>She crouched down to his level. She couldn't help but see the similarities to James.</p>
<p>"Darling, I love you, but your attention span is terrible. Unless the conversation is on Quidditch, you disappear into your own head. If Moony says you haven't done all your work, it's probably because you haven't."</p>
<p>Harry looked positively offended. "Nuh uh, he's been distracted all week. Keeps talking about the potion you're making when he thinks I'm not listening. You can ask him yourself!"</p>
<p>She ruffled his hair. "I will do just that, Harry."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus was sitting in the makeshift classroom, staring at the wall with a blank expression. She frowned but tried not to think too much about where his mind could have wandered off to. She knocked on the open door.</p>
<p>"A little birdie suggested you've been giving him more work than normal," she said with mock distain, "Any thoughts on the matter?"</p>
<p>Remus snapped out of his musings and smirked. "Harry has the same attention span as James. Of course he believes there's more work than usual."</p>
<p>"Also says you've been talking to yourself about a certain potion."</p>
<p>The werewolf looked away from her. "I... yeah, I probably have been. It's not that I don't trust you Lils, it's just-"</p>
<p>"This potion could quite possibly kill you or send you to an early grave. Yeah, I've been having the same thoughts."</p>
<p>They both fell silent. She leaned on the doorframe. Everything felt bleak and they still had over a week before they found out if the potion would work. Five days until he had to start taking it. She wanted to ask if he was certain, but knew the answer would be the same. Remus never wanted to risk hurting Sirius again. The bonus of the potion working would be that the two of them wouldn't have to leave, but it was not the main reason. Remus was still under the belief that leaving Harry would be the safest option for him, but since Sirius would never allow him to deal with the moon alone, there wasn't the same option.</p>
<p>"I can't bear the thought of hurting him again, Lils," Remus whispered. "He looked dead. I thought I'd killed him. I can't do that again."</p>
<p>Before she could respond there was a loud bark from the living room followed by Harry's delighted shriek. Sirius was back from wherever he'd gone then. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>October 5th</strong>
  <strong> 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>According to Sirius, the potion had worked. Remus hadn't tried to kill him when he'd briefly returned to his human form, but Remus was not entirely himself upon returning to human form. He wouldn't say what was wrong, not even to Sirius, but it was quite clear that he wasn't okay.</p>
<p>All three of them became decidedly less okay when they recieved a summons via patronus message that evening. Lily had left the living room and curled up with Harry in his bed. She didn't want to re-live the night James had died. Didn't want to explain that they'd not trusted Remus or gone along with Sirius's slight mania. Didn't want to remember that a man they'd once called a friend had destroyed them. She hated it. Loathed the entirety of it. Resented the madness that war had brought. Harry hugged her in his sleep and she had fallen asleep beside him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>October 6th 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p>He didn't allow Harry to remove the invisibilty cloak until they were safely inside Madam Malkin's. He was collecting formal robes for himself, Remus and Lily, but it didn't hurt for Harry to get some too. If only so the kid didn't feel quite so left out. Remus stayed just outside the shop, prepared to hex the shit out of anyone who remotely appeared threatening. Harry was always the top priority in public.</p>
<p>As Harry headed over to be measured, Sirius had a nose through some of the robes on the display racks. He was only half paying attention as the other half was making sure nobody had gotten into the shop and to Harry.</p>
<p>"You don't have to act like that you know," Harry's voice said, his eyeroll somehow obvious in his voice.</p>
<p>"Act like what?" another, definitely childish, voice replied, the air of a pureblood obvious.</p>
<p>Sirius hadn't been aware that another person was in the shop.</p>
<p>"Like a pureblooded prat."</p>
<p>"How am I being a prat?"</p>
<p>"Standing there looking down your nose like you're flying over the moon. It's annoying."</p>
<p>Sirius smirked. Whoever the pureblood was, Harry was clearly unimpressed by them.</p>
<p>"I'll have you know I come from a very important family."</p>
<p>"Good for you. I'm a very important person, or so the papers would say. Family doesn't mean anything if you're not a good person."</p>
<p>"Who are you then? Since you think you're so special."</p>
<p>Sirius raised an eyebrow waiting for Harry's response. How the kid had seen any newspapers he wasn't entirely sure. He was under the impression that Lily kept them in her office, which Harry was not allowed inside of.</p>
<p>"I'm Harry Potter. The boy who lived. Who are you?"</p>
<p>"You're- I'm Draco Malfoy."</p>
<p>"Never heard of you. Can't be that special."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was moving before Harry's reply. Malfoy. He rounded the corner to the measuring section to see Harry stood a foot away from a tiny blond boy with the obvious features of the vile Malfoy bunch. Harry looked up at him slightly shocked.</p>
<p>"Padfoot?" he asked. "Why'd you look cross?"</p>
<p>"I'm not cross, Harry," Sirius replied, forcibly relaxing his features. "Though I'd like to know when you had the chance to get into the office. Your mum won't be happy."</p>
<p>Harry wrinkled his nose. "It was only once, but that's not where I saw the Prophet. I read it on the table when we passed the icecream place."</p>
<p>He kept his expression calm. He'd never protested Lily's insistance that Harry learn muggle school, especially since Remus had also agreed, but the kid was too smart for his own good. They hadn't exactly walked slowly to the robe shop. Harry wouldn't have had that much time to read the paper. The Malfoy child was staring at him with slight confusion.</p>
<p>"Where's your parents, Draco?" Sirius asked.</p>
<p>The Malfoy child blinked several times. "Father had business to attend to and I'm not a baby anymore. I'm quite capable of staying here without a babysitter."</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. Oh the pureblood ettiquette. Harry scowled at the other child.</p>
<p>"You're doing it again," he grumbled. "Pureblooded prat. You don't have to act like that. Padfoot doesn't."</p>
<p>"Oh, and where exactly does <em>Padfoot</em> descend from?" Malfoy child sneered.</p>
<p>"The noble house of Black," Sirius replied. "Though technically, only by blood these days. They took me off the tree."</p>
<p>In an instant the Malfoy child stood straighter and looked mildly afraid of Sirius, which Harry rolled his eyes at.</p>
<p>"Father warned me about you. Said you were a nuisance in school. A miscreant."</p>
<p>"Do you even know what those words mean?" Sirius asked, rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>"I know they're not good."</p>
<p>The bell at the door rang and Sirius stiffened at the voice that followed. His wand dropped into his hand from it's holster. He called Harry to his side and moved as far away from Draco as possible. How Lucius Malfoy had gotten past Remus he didn't know but he wasn't about to take any chances. Harry, following their typical protocol out in public, moved to stand behind him. Lucius came into view and Sirius forced himself to behave. To only attack if provoked. Harry was more important. The pureblood didn't see him at first but, given that his son kept glancing nervously between the two, looked at him with a sneer.</p>
<p>"Black," Lucius said haughtily.</p>
<p>"Deatheater, I mean, Malfoy," Sirius replied, unable to stop his slip of the tongue. </p>
<p>Lucius didn't rise to the bait, however, and hurried Draco out of the shop. Sirius didn't relax until the bell tinkled again. Whether the deatheater had seen Harry or not was one thing, but it was not a good thing. He also wasn't about to further the exposure. Sirius quickly informed Madam Malkin that they needed to go but one of them would return later that day. The witch, who'd had a soft spot for him since being adopted by the Potter's smiled as they left- Harry securely hidden beneath his invisibilty cloak.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 15</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>October 7th 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p><h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>The house was heavy with discomfort when they woke up. Sirius had a fixed expression of barely contained rage. None of them wanted to go to the ministry. None of them wanted to see Pettigrew again. They definitely didn't want to expose Harry to the traitor, even if it was from a distance. He got dressed in the new formal robes and grimaced at them. He hadn't worn anything so wizard friendly in a long time. Before they left the room, Remus pulled Sirius into a tight hug. The animagus remained stiff for almost a minute before softening into the embrace.</p>
<p>"We need to be strong for Harry," he whispered. "We can't let Pettigrew destroy anything else."</p>
<p>Sirius nodded against his shoulder. "For Harry."</p>
<p>Breakfast ended up being a rather somber event, regardless of the words that had been spoken. Bobbin made an effort to keep Harry occupied while they ate and it worked relatively well, though the kid kept glancing at the three of them with a confused expression. Once they were done eating, Remus forced a semi-cheerful expression onto his face.</p>
<p>"Alright, Harry," he said. "Time to wear your robes."</p>
<p>Harry grinned. "Really? Wicked!"</p>
<p>Remus followed the kid out of the kitchen and summoned the robes from Lily's room. He helped Harry put them on and genuinely smiled at how delighted he was to be wearing something new. Invisibility cloak aside, Harry never wore magic approved clothes. There was no need to and none of the adults did. The exception being that they typically used cloaks rather than coats. Harry dashed off to show Lily and Padfoot. Remus took a moment to ground himself. The three of them were all going to be called onto the stand as character reference. It was possible that his lycanthropy would get exposed. He took a deep breath. Whatever happened would happen. Sirius appeared in front of him and took his hand.</p>
<p>"It'll be fine, Moony," he whispered. "We're all going to be fine."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alastor and two other aurors met them in the village not far from their house. Moody didn't look impressed that Harry was with them.</p>
<p>"Could you not find a sitter?"</p>
<p>Lily glared at him. "Who exactly do you think we can trust to look after him in our absence?"</p>
<p>At that, the auror nodded. Lily picked Harry up and held him tightly. Moody explained that the four of them would be brought in via side-along apparatition straight into the ministry atrium. There were a team of aurors waiting to provide an escort and keep the press off them. Remus was secretly glad about that. While he was more than willing to hex anyone who tried to grab at Harry or use him for gain, he was also grateful to not have to think about it. He was more than a little preoccupied. Alastor took Lily's arm while the other two aurors took him and Sirius. Within a few seconds, they were in the atrium where three separate aurors were barely managing to keep a terrifying crowd at bay. Remus quickly grabbed Sirius's hand as Moody escorted them further into the building. </p>
<p>They were directed into the witness section of the courtroom and Sirius rested his head on Remus's shoulder. Harry remained tightly bound to Lily's torso and they all could feel the strain. He can't help but zone out as the legal proceedings begin. It's a whole lot of waffle that he can't even begin to understand. It's not until they bring in the defendant that Remus sits up. Sirius tightens his grip on his hand and Lily inhales sharply. </p>
<p>Pettigrew looks just as he always had. Stout, jittery and cowardly. How he'd ever been placed in Gryffindor was a miracle. </p>
<p>"You are being charged with the crime of being an illegal animagus, a deatheater, consorting with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and being an accomplice on one count of murder and two counts of attempted murder," the judge said. "How do you plead?" </p>
<p>"Not guilty," Pettigrew cried.</p>
<p>Remus had to drag Sirius back into his seat and Harry started whispering to Lily, clearly trying to distract her. He glared at Pettigrew who was unmistakenly avoiding looking in their direction. His blood was boiling inside. How could the rat bastard be so willing to lie in front of the court? Did he honestly not see a problem to his actions? The court began, Pettigrew's defender pleading his case, the other barrister fighting against him. Eventually, Sirius got too worked up.</p>
<p>"Just lift his bloody sleeve and show the dark mark!" </p>
<p>"Mr Black, silence in the court room or you will be removed for contempt," the judge said after banging the gavel. </p>
<p>Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius's shoulders, pulling his boyfriend close enough to whisper calming nonsense. The barrister did eventually lift Pettigrew's sleeve, revealing what they knew to be there. The Wizengamot started talking to one another at that, proving without a doubt that the rat bastard was going to Azkaban. There was further deliberation before Pettigrew was hauled into the defendant's box and Lily was called to the stand. Sirius took Harry and the boy settled between them, watching his mother with intense focus.</p>
<p>"Mrs Potter, on the night of the 31st of October 1981, you, your husband and infant child were sequestered away under the fidelius charm, is that correct?" the judge asked.</p>
<p>"Indeed," Lily replied, gripping the arms of the chair in the centre of the room tightly.</p>
<p>"Who was your secret keeper?"</p>
<p>"Originally, it was going to be Sirius Black, but times were tough and nobody could trust anyone. We switched to Pettigrew, believing him to be the most trustworthy of our friends."</p>
<p>"I see. On that halloween night, the fidelius was broken and You-Know-Who managed to break into your home and killed your husband. Why is it that you were spared?"</p>
<p>"Voldemort claimed he was doing a favour for one of his followers. He stunned me and sent me flying out of the way so that he could access my child. I had to watch, paralysed while he aimed his wand. Fortunately, fate had other plans and the killing curse Voldemort intended for my son rebounded, killing him."</p>
<p>Harry got very still in their laps and Lily looked up at him, as if remembering he was in the room. She offered him a sad smile. Ideally, he was too young to be hearing the news in such great detail, but it wasn't as if Harry remembered it. He'd been too young. Harry turned away from his mother and Sirius wrapped him in his arms, protecting him from what had already happened.</p>
<p>"You and Pettigrew were friends, correct?" the judge asked. Lily nodded. "Were you aware of his animagus ability?"</p>
<p>"Unfortunately. I never was a fan of rats."</p>
<p>"When did Pettigrew gain the ability?"</p>
<p>"Some point during our time at Hogwarts. We weren't really friends until seventh year, by which point he could already transform."</p>
<p>"I see. Mrs Potter, did you ever suspect Mr Pettigrew of being a servant of darkness?"</p>
<p>"No more than I suspected any of my friends. I was under the impression that we were all loyal to each other. We were in the same fight against Voldemort. At least, that was what he allowed us to believe. Clearly that is not the case."</p>
<p>"Thank you Mrs Potter. You may retake your seat."</p>
<p>Lily got up and made her way back to them. Harry instantly returned to his mother's side and Sirius was called to the witness stand. Remus wrapped his arm around Lily and pulled her against him, reassuring her without words.</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Sirius POV)</h2>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat down in the middle of the room. He glared up at Pettigrew then looked back at Remus, trying to calm himself long enough to sit through the interrogation. He had no doubt that they would try to use his bloodline against him. He deliberately rolled up his sleeves, exposing his bare forearms. The judge looked down at him with a frown.</p>
<p>"Mr Black, it would seem that Mr Pettigrew was not the only animagus in your friend group. Can you tell me at what point you attempted the animagus transfiguration?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "We began looking into it during our third year at Hogwarts. We didn't successfully accomplish it until our fifth. I'm sure you're aware that I'm registered now."</p>
<p>"Indeed. However, what took you so long to do so?"</p>
<p>"To begin with, I was a minor, then I was caught up in a war. It was hardly at the top of my priority list. I'm also not the one on trial."</p>
<p>"Of course, Mr Black. Simply gaining all the facts. What prompted your decision to become animagi? You were in school and were underaged. What possible reason would you have to become something that could send you to prison?"</p>
<p>He raised an eyebrow. "Personally, I wanted a challenge. Plus we were offering our support to a friend. Animals were required for the companionship."</p>
<p>"Who might this friend be?"</p>
<p>"That doesn't pertain to this case. They are not the one on trial, nor am I. Could we perhaps resume the questions that actually point toward proving Pettigrew guilty, rather than you gaining the satisfaction of interrogating me because of my bloodline."</p>
<p>He looked over at Remus. His family were pressed together, trying to pretend they were anywhere else. He took a deep breath. He couldn't lose his shit. Harry needed them to keep it together. He would control himself for the sake of his godson. He returned his focus to the judge who looked rather miffed not to be getting a dramatic overreaction from him. Clearly they'd forgotten that he had been raised a pureblood, where emotions were kept firmly locked behind closed doors.</p>
<p>"Who's decision was it to switch secret keepers?" </p>
<p>"It was unanimous between James, Lily and I. Anyone who knew us was well aware that James and I were like brothers. Me being known as the secret keeper acted as a red herring. I would have died to keep the secret I didn't hold. We thought Pettigrew was trustworthy. A mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life."</p>
<p>"I imagine so. How did you discover that the fidelius had been broken?"</p>
<p>"I had a bad feeling. I went to check on Pettigrew. The location was written on a door of a house that had clearly been abandoned on short notice. I apparated to Godric's Hollow and found my best friend dead on the stairs. Lily called out to me. I almost took off to hunt Pettigrew down but she forced me to see reason. I took her and Harry to St. Mungo's, then to my flat once they were cleared. It was temporary as my flat wasn't secure. We can trust no one. Our current living location is irrelevent to this case, therefore, I will not be disclosing it."</p>
<p>He was dismissed from the stand and Remus was called forward. His questions were far more similar to Lily's because he wasn't associated to a deatheater family. It wasn't until he was asked whether he was an animagus that Remus's answers got interesting.</p>
<p>"I wasn't particularly good at transfigurations. I warned them not to, having read the risk associated with the animagus transformation, but they were insistent. Anyone who knew James or Sirius can attest to the fact that neither of them will back down when their hearts are in it. Though I suppose it's past tense for the former now. I can say that their animal personas match their personalities well. Sirius is the most loyal person you'll find, James was protective of his family until the end and Pettigrew... well, once a rat, always a rat."</p>
<p>"I take it you were invited to join their party of illegal activity but declined?" the judge asked.</p>
<p>"Essentially. Besides, someone had to cover for them. I got rather good at the mimicking charm and answering questions for them in lessons. If any of the professors noticed, they never said anything."</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at Lily who seemed just as impressed. While Remus wasn't lying per say, his version of the truth was almost unrecognizable to anyone who knew the truth. He glanced at Pettigrew. The rat was watching Remus with a frown. Would he rat Remus's secret? Was he that far gone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took well over three hours, but eventually, the wizengamot found Pettigrew guilty of all charges and was sentenced to life inprisonment in Azkaban. Sirius was mildly surprised that the rat bastard had said nothing about Remus's furry little problem, but he was mostly just relieved. They were escorted out to the atrium again by Moody and were apparated back to the village. The aurors vanished without asking questions and the three adults all looked at each other in stunned silence.</p>
<p>"Does that mean the bad man that killed dad is going to jail?" Harry asked as Lily set him down on his feet. </p>
<p>"Yes it does, darling," Lily replied.</p>
<p>"Does that mean we can have takeaway for to celebrate?"</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. "Sure we can, pup. What would you like?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>November 2nd 1985</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<h2>(Remus POV)</h2>
<p>He really didn't want to partake in the current plan. He didn't want to risk Harry's safety. Obviously, they'd tested the wolfsbane potion with Sirius first. Remus had been in full control of his impulses and had been incredibly docile. That didn't mean he wanted to risk Harry's safety. Sirius was trying to calm him down but it wasn't working. As soon as the sun had even slightly dipped in the sky, Remus was out of the house and sitting in a field by himself. Lily had assured him that the house would be warded so that he couldn't break in even if he tried to, but he couldn't escape the belief that he would injure someone, or even worse, infect them. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he caused Harry to endure the same life he'd had. Sirius walked over as the sun was starting to set and frowned at him.</p>
<p>"Moony, why are you trying to take my place as the dramatic one in our relationship?" he asked.</p>
<p>"How is this even remotely funny?"</p>
<p>"It's not."</p>
<p>"Then tell your bloody behaviour. You're acting like this is a game."</p>
<p>"I am not! If I thought there was even the slightest possibility that you could endanger Harry I'd apperate us far away, as it stands, you were less dangerous that Padfoot is last month. Stop pouting and take your last dose before it's too late."</p>
<p>Sirius handed him the foul potion and he gulped it down, trying to avoid his tastebuds as much as possible. He still gagged when it was done. He hoped that he could at least get used to the bloody thing over time. Sirius sat down in front of him and they sat in companionable silence until the transformation took over. The potion did nothing to reduce the pain, but he was fully aware of it the entire time. It was incredibly disturbing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>He shook himself as he stood up. Sirius stayed in front of him, an eyebrow raised as if anticipating some form of attack. Moony growled softly before slowly walking forwards. He pressed himself into Sirius's arms and had the impulse to sleep on him.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"Shall we go home since you're clearly a cuddly bear right now?"</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Moony huffed in response. He still didn't want to risk Harry's life. Sirius took it as confirmation and pushed himself upright. Moony grunted. He'd never been jealous of the ability to walk upright. He pressed himself against Sirius's side and the animagus touched his head gently.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"See, this is why I get to be the dramatic one. You overreact to things that have proven to work out well."</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>He pushed him harder and the animagus staggered to stay walking. When Moony managed to knock him over the second time, Sirius didn't bother trying to stand up. Instead, he turned into Padfoot and the game began. They chased each other, Moony slower than he probably used to be because he had to actively think about moving four limbs, but Padfoot seemed to enjoy himself all the same. When Moony caught him, he paid close attention to where his teeth and claws were. Padfoot whined and licked his cheek from where he was pinned. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"Are the two of you quite finished?" Lily asked.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Moony lifted his head. He hadn't realized how close to the house they'd gotten. Lily had her wand in hand, ready to apparate if necessary. Padfoot rolled away before shoulder slamming him towards the house. He whined at the dog. Padfoot either didn't take the hint or didn't care as he pushed him again. Reluctantly, Moony walked towards his best friend. Lily frowned slightly, the concern obvious on her face, but she didn't run away. He sat down at her feet and huffed. Lily smirked.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"You're very pretty as a wolf, Moony. I have to admit."</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>He grumbled in disapproval. He was a werewolf. It was an impossibility for him to be pretty. Sirius had tried to convince him for years but had yet to succeed. He flinched as someone dropped to the ground on his right. He looked over. Harry had escaped out of the window. He immediately got up and backed away, moving to stand behind Padfoot.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"Harry!" Lily snapped. "What did I tell you?"</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"You said I couldn't come out the door," Harry replied. "You didn't say I couldn't use the window."</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Padfoot barked a laugh before turning to face him. Moony shook his head vigorously, backing even further away. Padfoot turned back into Sirius.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"Moony, come on. You just have to not bite him which you are fully capable of doing," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Harry walked towards him, stopping just behind Sirius. He didn't look afraid. There was nothing but curiosity in his eyes. He laid down and looked away. The kid was going to approach him whether he liked it or not. Padfoot was beside him first, laying next to him with his head on Moony's paws. Harry came closer, slowly, as if trying not to spook him.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>"Moony," Harry said quietly. "You're very pretty. Prettier than Padfoot."</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Padfoot made a noise of definite denial but didn't move. Harry reached his hand out but didn't make contact. Moony turned his head and booped the outstretched palm with his snout. Harry's smile was brilliant. </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>After chasing Harry around for a while, Lily insisted that it was time for bed. Which was how Moony ended up being a blanket while Padfoot was a pillow to the kid they'd do anything for. Lily alerted him when the moon was about to set and she took the opportunity to pick Harry up and place him in his bed. He trotted out of the house and into the next field where he'd left his clothes. It was a very chilly night and was very glad that Sirius followed him out. Despite his continued reservations, he was very glad they'd convinced him to stay the night.</strong>
</p>
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